Monthly Archives: October 2020

A Humble Plea to Be More Like Me

Hello, fellow Christians.

I am a Millenial woman, here to tell you that I USED to be an extremist (like you)–but then I became more moderate (like Jesus is), and you should do that, too.

Let me explain.

I noticed that you are currently disagreeing with somebody over something, and it reminds me of a time when I used to disagree with people, too. But, now that I’m walking more closely with Jesus, disagreement makes me uncomfortable. You see, back when I used to do what you’re currently doing, I was wrong.

When I realized that disagreeing with people made me unpopular, I stopped disagreeing as much as possible and started taking the Middle-Of-The-Road instead! What does it mean to take the middle of the road? Well, it means you can always count on me to play the referee every time there’s a Theological argument. I will butt in and remind everyone that what you’re saying may be TRUE–but the TONE is what matters most…

My battle cry is “Love, love, love, love, love.” This may not seem very helpful in the midst of a conversation about the moral consequences of killing babies or the rise of racism in the black church or whether it’s okay for Christians to send money to corporations distributing child pornography.

But, trust me, these issues are not as important as you Extremists think they are.

Therefore, YOU NEED TO COME TO THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD WITH ME! If you just stop worrying about those human troubles and start focusing on “love” instead, it will make the world a better place. If we all become referees, there will be no one left to wrestle. See?

Wouldn’t that be amazing?!

Look at all the fighting out there! Look at the way iron is rubbing against iron! Look at all of those SPARKS! (You know, the unchurched people of the world can see our sparks, and they’re not very impressed.)

Again, I hope you can hear the LOVE in my voice, as I plead with you to lay down your weapons. Out of love for the poor and love for the marginalize and love for the Church and love for animals–out of love for jazz music and pumpkin spice and puppies and Jesus: I bid you to join me here, in the Holy Center.

Here, in the middle, you will find the answers I didn’t have before, back when I believed some things were worth fighting for. Here, in the middle, our Lord sits squarely on a fence gently calling you to do the same. Here, in the middle, there is a comfort zone of lukewarm pacifism, which is about a million times more spiritually beneficial than the FIRES you keep starting out there in Extremist Land.

Just look at the fires, people! I don’t know about you, but my faith is more precious than gold, and it just can’t handle all that fire…

So, in closing, please think of people like me before you decide to engage in a heated disagreement, which could easily become a fire. We don’t like it. It breaks our hearts. And I’m pretty sure it breaks Jesus’ heart, too, because his feelings almost always match mine.

I love you, and I love poor people, and I love the police, and I love people who distribute child porn, and I love racists, and I love EVERYONE.

So, share this post with all of your loving friends, and together, we will show the world the proper way to be Christian… the Good Way… the Middle Way…

Love, love, love!



For more on a similar topic, check out this podcast episode about the Idol of “Centrism” and needing to be viewed as “middle-of-the-road.” (That part of the discussion is just after the 34:00 mark.)