If “Common Courtesy” Won’t Work, Abusers Will Raise the Stakes

A couple days ago, I shared a real-life example of a common abuse tactic where a person pretends to ask a “simple request,” but then punishes you for disagreeing:

“Today, I very clearly told a man “NO, I am not comfortable with what you’re asking me to do,” but, still, he kept trying to shame me into feeling differently…”

I was talking about Trans folks (and their allies) who say that it’s “common courtesy” to let individuals define their own pronouns and control the English language.

Unfortunately, a dear friend of mine discovered first-hand what happens when you point out that it’s not really a “simple request” so much as a DEMAND which will be met with rage if you fail to meet it.

Do you think an abuser will be grateful for having his or her behavior checked?

Do you think he or she will say, “Wow, I can see where you’re coming from!” or “In the future, I will try to demonstrate the same courtesy for YOUR beliefs that I expect you to have for mine?”

Ha!

But before I share the actual screenshots, I need to offer a LANGUAGE WARNING: Abusers often use very angry words while trying to gain power through intimidation OR in effort to provoke an equally-aggressive response from the person they’re bullying.

So, if it’s hard for you to watch while someone unloads their rage on innocent people who don’t deserve it, please be warned:

10.18.19 Evil Trans Person (Edit #1)

Note: I was told just a few days ago, “It’s a simple request for common courtesy to use certain words when you’re asked…”

And now?

“You owe me because YOU are all murderers.” Interesting, isn’t it?

10.18.19 Evil Trans Person (Edit #2)

10.18.19 Evil Trans Person (Edit #3)

“You brought my anger on yourself…”

“If you don’t want me to use strong language, then learn…”

Is this as obvious for everyone else as it is to me?

Later, a new person tried to calm the agitated Trans individual:

10.18.19 Evil Trans Person (Edit #4)

Red also tried again to take the high road by appealing to Grey’s humanity and saying (correctly) that EVERYONE needs grace…

But abusers literally cannot allow others, like Red, to share stories of their own suffering for any amount of time. When Red was vulnerable about injustice she has experienced, Grey could not allower her to keep those feelings without trying to one-up her:

10.18.19 Evil Trans Person (Edit #5)

Note: Many abusive individuals DO have histories of being abused, and they often use their stories to justify perpetuating the cycle.

10.18.19 Evil Trans Person (Edit #6)

10.18.19 Evil Trans Person (Edit #7)

“You’re hurting me…”

“You started it…”

“I’ll stop when you stop deserving it…”

10.18.19 Last Word Kind Of

“My rage is warranted…”

“If you loved me, you would listen…”

Do you see how this works, Reader?

They believe this so thoroughly that they have standard responses when an outsider tries to stop the abuse, too! They say things like:

“You don’t understand our relationship.”

“I’m doing this because I care about him/her”

“This is for her own good…”

10.18.19 Last Word For Real (Edit #2)

It’s important to understand that this person actually believes all of the verbal abuse is self-defense.

In Grey’s world, having chronic pain and a “friend” who shares the wrong blog posts is an attack which counts as “torment,”and all of it is a good enough excuse to unleash rage.

Yes, RAGE!

When you try to defend yourself against an abuser, no matter how careful and gentle you are, they will simply double-down on the idea that they are the victims, and the people they are hurting deserve it, somehow.

Abusers will insist, over and over, that what has been done to them is of huge consequence, but what they do to hurt others isn’t that big of a deal…

They will start by demanding “common courtesy.”

But if that doesn’t work to bring you under control, make no mistake: they will take it further.

66 thoughts on “If “Common Courtesy” Won’t Work, Abusers Will Raise the Stakes

    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      No doubt at all. Everyone in Hell will have no need for God because they always do everything right, and everyone else is to blame for Bad Stuff.

      The blatant demand for unquestioning submission is what many Atheists claim that God does! But it’s really what THEY do, and they don’t like the competition from the Creator.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      Yeah, you noticed that, too, huh?

      In other parts of the dialog I didn’t include, Grey went on and on about how much his brain has been damaged by childhood abuse. So, finally, Red asked him, “How can we trust your brain to give us objective truth when you’ve admitted it doesn’t work properly?”

      …I’m not sure Grey even followed the question. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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      1. Lucy

        I have a reply then. The answer is that I have never trusted my own mind, which is why I formed my worldview from the overlapping spaces in everyone else’s experiences. The things we can all agree on, regardless of viewpoint, are real. From that basis I can build more knowledge and a better understanding of how I fit into the world.

        Like

  1. Mel Wild

    Truly, a cautionary tale about being attacked by powerless people. The stark contrast between the grace and restraint show by Red, Orange, and Green, and the vitriolic hatred coming from Grey, was stunning, to say the least!

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    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      Totally!
      I felt like I was in church, to be honest. How do you suppose Grey would react at hearing that the impassioned speeches meant to glorify human desires instead were used to Glorify the Creator? 😊 Preach it, Christians! Peach that truth in love!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. Lucy

    I’m a little more worried about your own trans children who have about a 65% chance of attempting suicide. Cute gossip you’ve got going on, speculating about my mental state and all. I’m not surprised, just disappointed at the predictability of your persecution complex and utter disregard for the well-being of others.

    In a sense you’re right, existing in my head is hell, thanks to evangelical Christians and your domination over the culture that continually abuses us. But it’s a whole lot less hellish than it used to be. I’m now capable of feeling human emotions like unending grief and occasionally happiness. Praise estrogen. 😊

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    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      I thought you told me on Facebook that you didn’t have the time and emotional energy to comment here and that you didn’t care what I had to say? (You know, before you blocked me?)

      Well, feel free to get everything off your chest that you need… I let people say whatever they want here.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Lucy

        I said I wasn’t going to comment on your initial article. Then I found this one. It’s a new day and I’ve said enough. Your followers are welcome to follow my blog and read the five-part series I’m releasing about what it is like growing up trans in your culture, if anyone is interested enough to actually understand what being trans is like and possibly save some young lives in your own community. I’ll let my experiences speak for themselves, and you can reach your own conclusions, correct or not.

        Like

      2. mrsmcmommy Post author

        You mean, “If anyone is interested to actually understand what I THINK being trans is like FROM MY PERSPECTIVE.” Right?
        You don’t mean that you speak for all trans folks, I assume?

        Like

      3. Lucy

        Since I am trans, and the experience I share of being trans is true, it can be taken as what it is like to experience being trans. Yes, some trans people will have different experiences, because we are all individuals. But mine are still the real experiences of a real trans person and every bit as true as all other trans experiences.

        My model of reality must accommodate the reality of conflicting experiences, otherwise it is false. That is why I share my experiences, so the people who read them can have a more accurate understanding of reality that doesn’t conflict with my experiences.

        Like

      4. mrsmcmommy Post author

        You didn’t answer my question about whether you speak for other trans people…

        Are you okay with my readers listening to testimonies from people who have DE-transitioned, and letting those experiences color their reality?

        Like

      5. Lucy

        Of course. But don’t lie about them. The people who detransition are almost all trans people who are sick of your nonsense and decided going back in the closet is less painful. I’ve talked to so many of them. There are a tiny number who aren’t trans, and got pressured by toxic people and bad information into doing things they weren’t comfortable with. But it’s pretty disingenuous to use the people who genuinely aren’t trans and regret transition to invalidate actual trans people. Please note that the regret rate for trans /surgery/ is less than for laser eye surgery or a lifesaving kidney transplant. Regret rate for hormonal transition is minuscule and the mental and physical health benefits are enormous for the rest of us.

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      6. Lucy

        Also, if you want, I can easily find hundreds of formerly Christian trans people to back me up and share nearly identical stories. I talk to them all the time. The similarities we share are astounding, if you think we’re all deluded.

        Like

      7. mrsmcmommy Post author

        Excellent!
        But, in the future, please don’t tell people what conclusions we’re supposed to draw in advance. That’s called “poisoning the well.” If you’re going to let people speak, then let them speak. Don’t spend extra time trying to tell us their secret motives for Detransitioning that they supposedly only told you. And don’t talk about statistics or numbers unless you think truth is determined by majority rules. Your Lasik comment is irrelevant except to sneakily discredit people who detransition by subtly suggesting “This doesn’t happen very often!” (Same with your comment that you can share “hundreds” of testimonies from former Christians.)

        It sounds to me like people who detransition are even more marginalized and underrepresented than the average trans person…

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      8. Lucy

        If someone says they are not trans, I will discredit their attempts to speak for trans people. How’s that? Yeah, people who detransition need way more support than they get. Letting them speak for themselves, we unavoidably learn that society is forcing most of them to do something incredibly painful.

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      9. Lucy

        No I’m not. I’m merely relaying what they’ve told me. Stop trying to extrapolate the experiences of a tiny fraction to the rest of us. Their experiences don’t speak for 98%+ of trans people, any more than our experiences speak for them. I will not let you do exactly what you’re accusing me of.

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      10. mrsmcmommy Post author

        For those interested in what the linked article says rather than what Lucy claims it will say, here’s a snippet:

        “Detransitioning isn’t as unusual as you might expect, but it is underground, for a number of reasons, and the trans community isn’t happy discussing this…”

        Like

      11. Lucy

        So what? Maybe trans people don’t appreciate it when people who do not identify as trans try to speak for us as if their experiences are representative of ours. Anyway, I’ll take my personal interactions with people who detransition over your propaganda.

        Like

      12. Lucy

        Oh wow, this quote describes EXACTLY how I felt about pretending to be a man: “I couldn’t bond with people and eventually started therapy to work on why I couldn’t have relationships and why my body was so tense. I eventually realised that a lot of this had to do with trying to present myself as female, which was unnatural for my body. I was holding my shoulders in and my butt out and doing all sorts of things that were outside the natural movement of my body.”

        Clearly this person developed dysphoria when undergoing HRT, because what they describe is exactly how most trans people feel before HRT.

        Like

      13. mrsmcmommy Post author

        “One reason stories of detransition are so difficult to find is because they’re not all that common. But Crash and other detransitioned women — women make up the bulk of the online detransition community, though there is at least one detransitioned man who blogs — wonder if there isn’t another reason: Their stories are uncomfortable to hear… “Ninety-five percent of my patients [who transition] are so happy,” said Dr. Deborah Dunn, a family practice physician’s assistant at Chase Brexton in Baltimore, who primarily treats trans patients… But the detransition bloggers had a different experience, one that they think is important to share publicly — even if people are sometimes reluctant to listen. “People will ask me about [my detransition], and I’ll get a couple sentences in before they interrupt me with their own version of my story,” said Carey Callahan, a 34-year-old detransitioned woman from Cleveland.”

        https://theoutline.com/post/349/a-story-about-discovery?zd=2&zi=nuyxedni

        Hey, lookey there! Carey was right. DE-transitioned people can’t talk without being interrupted with a trans-person’s version of her story. 😦

        Like

      14. Lucy

        That’s great. Their stories should be told, and heard, and they should be cautionary tales, and we should take steps to make sure that doesn’t happen to anyone else.

        They also, by their own claim, are not trans, and their experiences cannot be used to invalidate our identities, or our needs and medical treatment.

        Why are you exploiting one marginalized group to attack another?

        Like

      15. mrsmcmommy Post author

        If you think me sharing direct quotes is exploitation, then you’re really going to hate the video I posted below…

        It’s so hard to say “they should tell their stories” while also being angry at the people doing exactly that. Lol.

        Like

      16. Lucy

        Let me be fucking clear, I am angry at you for, very specifically, lying about and misrepresenting the experiences of trans people. You’re the one who dragged detransitioners into a discussion of MY identity. Their experiences are irrelevant in this context, unless you’re trying to exploit their identities to invalidate mine.

        Like

      17. mrsmcmommy Post author

        No. You’re the one who dragged discussion of YOUR identity into MY blog space about people who blame their terrible anger problems on others. Their experiences are just as relevant as yours, since you’re here trying to hijack my readers.

        All I’m doing is sharing their stories, without putting any words in their mouths, which you said is a good thing, but your increasing agitation says otherwise.
        And–as a new rule–I’m going to share a new testimony from a Detransitioned individual every time you use the F-word.

        🙂

        Here’s the one you earned this time:

        Like

      18. Lucy

        I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t written an entire article defending the practice of disrespecting trans people in which you ridicuked my identity. God damn it. Fuck. Shit. Share all the links you want. I’m familiar with their stories already.

        Like

  3. mrsmcmommy Post author

    I don’t want to take away from the main point of this post.

    When you try to defend yourself against an abuser, no matter how careful and gentle you are, they will simply double-down on the idea that they are the victims, and the people they are hurting deserve it, somehow.

    Abusers will insist, over and over, that what has been done to them is of huge consequence, but what they do to hurt others isn’t that big of a deal… They will start by demanding “common courtesy.” But if that doesn’t work to bring you under control, make no mistake: they will take it further [to verbal abuse].

    But, for those who believe that listening to people’s experience/story is a good way to figure out what’s true, enjoy the truth in this video. 🙂

    Like

    Reply
  4. Lucy

    It’s really funny to me how upset you get about words. Fuuuuuck! 🤣 I used to be like that, but I got over it. Now I use the words that communicate how I feel about everyone’s bullshit. And funny phone typos like ridicuked. Haha.

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      1. Lucy

        Anyway, if you haven’t gotten the point by now, I guess you won’t. You talk a big game about how you’re entitled to disrespect people by using words they’re uncomfortable with, but as soon as you’re uncomfortable with some words you write a whole blog post whining about it. Your hypocrisy is transparent.

        Like

      2. mrsmcmommy Post author

        “I realize now that trans ideology sold me on the idea that I could transition into the powerful group… There are few studies behind detransition rates, but I can tell you there are thousands of us. Our voices are hidden because we are seen by the queer community as an inconvenient consequence to their movement. We are just collateral damage for the greater good.”

        Like

      3. Lucy

        And there are millions of us. Throughout all cultures and all of human history. And there’s no “trans ideology”, there are endless arguments within “trans communities” that themselves are subsections of a larger disconnected population.

        Again, these people aren’t trans, their experiences are valid but also cannot be used to invalidate mine.

        Like

      4. Lucy

        I wouldn’t do that, I just said her experience is valid. I would tell her to stop speaking for me. There are absolutely problematic and toxic ideas among trans people, and genderfluid and cis people have definitely been pressured and misled by bad ideas into making changes they weren’t happy with. Like any group defined by a shared trait…all blue eyed people, for example…trans people hold a wide variety of ideologies (in fact, every ideology that has ever existed). Anyone taking one idea and attributing it to “trans ideology” is simply making propaganda by misrepresenting us. Oh, like you did, which is why I’m here. 😉

        Like

  5. mrsmcmommy Post author

    She doesn’t speak for you; but you speak for “us” plural? Lol. You proudly announce that you’re expressing rage for your “sisters” because you like the idea that your story is bigger than just yourself… But you won’t let certain OTHER people express their own identity as “former transsexual” so they can be a voice for impressionable kids who are pressured and harmed by YOUR IDEOLOGY. 😂 The cognitive dissonance must be incredible.

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    1. Lucy

      Right, I have shared some experiences that are near universal among trans people. No matter how much you whine about it, and accuse me of having an ideology that in fact I disagree with, someone who isn’t trans cannot speak about the trans experience. Only a trans person can do that. I think you might be starting to understand…

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      1. mrsmcmommy Post author

        😂
        I understand that you are still trying to categorize people carefully so you never have to accept what you don’t like and can easily latch on to things you do. These people were just as trans as you are. And to say they aren’t NOW is to discredit their stories. You’re doing it intentionally. And the fragility of your worldview, with your careful control of terms and categories cracks me up.

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      2. mrsmcmommy Post author

        I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT!!! hahahaha! It’s like that game we used to play in elementary school… Why don’t you just say “I’m rubber and you’re glue!”
        😂

        Like

      3. Lucy

        Hmm, nope. Still doesn’t match my experience at all. There are major differences, like I’m over a year into HRT and absolutely love every single thing it is doing to me. I’m immensely more relaxed and at home in my body. Maybe you should stop trying to define me with the narratives of people who have explicitly told you they are not trans, because their experiences are, by definition, not representative of anyone who really is trans.

        Also, there’s nothing wrong with exploring and deciding it isn’t for you. Ideally that happens before you get irreversible changes from altering your hormone ratio.

        Like

      4. mrsmcmommy Post author

        Of course your story is different from these people, silly! Your story is one of the “nearly universal” trans experiences which have led to a movement and an Ideology that you flat deny, while still appealing to it when you say things like “us” and “sisters.”
        You want the community and the “near universal” agreement and the right to tell those who leave that they never really belonged in the first place…but you don’t want to take responsibility for the damage you’re doing when people who are NOT trans are being used and abused by your “sisters.”

        Huh. See why I let people say whatever they want on my blog? It has NEVER been a bad thing to let angry, religious people preach here until they tie themselves in a knot. 😉

        Like

      5. Lucy

        I haven’t told anyone to leave, I despise gatekeeping. I accept people when they tell me who they are, including when they are not like me. You clearly cannot do the same.

        I’m sick of you and the “trans community” and everyone else. You are all pathetic squabbling losers and I wish I was stranded on a deserted island. All I want is to maybe live a bit longer and make some music, but my desperate efforts to do so are cast as some malicious conspiracy with people I’ve never met to harm people I’ll never meet.

        I wonder, do you realize that you are spreading propaganda from far-left lesbians? You’ve got weird allies in your war on my well-being.

        Like

      6. mrsmcmommy Post author

        I don’t ally with people. I ally with concrete IDEAS. I will work with anyone who can construct a thought system that actually holds water and doesn’t fall apart when questioned. Fragile lies SHOULD be banished to deserted islands. It would be nice if they would leave their host bodies behind to get healthier.

        Like

      7. mrsmcmommy Post author

        Stop telling me who you’re allied with and then dropping them like hot cakes when it’s time to take responsibility for the BAD things y’all are contributing to the world.

        If Jasmine and Brendan and Matt can take responsibility for things being done by people identifying as Christians, then you can take responsibility for things done by people identifying as trans.

        And if you don’t like this identity politics shit, then stop throwing turds at other people and you’ll be less likely to step in it later.

        Consistency. That’s all I ask.

        Like

      8. Lucy

        You are extremely confused. I have some shared experiences with nearly all trans people. That doesn’t mean all of us have the same ideology! Goddamnit, this is tedious.

        Like

      9. mrsmcmommy Post author

        Anyone you want to speak for, you also answer for. Otherwise you’re just taking privileges and rejecting responsibilities. 🙂

        And, since you’ve used our code word to let me know you want another testimony from someone who was damaged by all the pressure from transgender talking points, I’m happy to oblige:
        https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/true-stories/it-sounds-weird-how-this-girl-became-a-boy-then-changed-her-mind/news-story/a50010fa8625fd6825834d04c8742d2f

        Like

      10. Lucy

        I already did. I said there are plenty of trans people with toxic ideologies. I can speak for the experiences I share with them, and simultaneously disagree with their ideologies. As I’ve made clear several times.

        Like

      11. mrsmcmommy Post author

        Why do so many people try to tell me what they said when there’s a written history right here? Lol.

        I’m getting bored, and it’s late. And there are way too many comments for most of my readers to slug through. So there’s no point in continuing. I only interact with the really outrageous people for the benefit of those who want to learn why they’re being fired from their jobs over parts of speech.

        My goal was never to help you understand the utter stupidity of accusing me and several other Christians of LITERAL MURDER and then boo-hooing about being “cast in some malicious conspiracy with people I’ve never met, to harm people I’ll never meet.”

        ALL I WANT TO DO IS RAISE MY KIDS AND GO TO CHURCH! AND YOU JUST KEEP DEMONIZING ME! WAAAAAAAAH!

        lol.

        Anyway, the people who are able to think have already seen your problem. And the people who don’t are not reachable by me through further engagement in this thread. 🙂 I’m out.

        (Unless, of course, I see the F-word again. If you need more attention, you know how to get it.) Goodnight!

        Like

      12. Lucy

        Because you have a nasty habit of telling people what they said, and who they are, and being very wrong about it in a way that is maliciously calculated to make them look as bad as possible.

        You are incapable of taking responsibility for the ideas you explicitly promote that are harming people. And by the end, you want me to take responsibility for harm caused by ideas I don’t hold, but which you project onto me anyway because I share a physical trait with other people who hold those ideas.

        Ok, goodnight bigot. I trust people who think will be able to see pretty clearly what you’re doing here.

        Liked by 1 person

      13. Lucy

        I also ally with ideas, not people. In fact I have no allies, because I have no ideology. I just try to listen to everyone and understand where they’re all coming from, and I don’t take one person’s experiences and smear them all over an entire group in order to demonize them.

        Like

  6. mrsmcmommy Post author

    Lol, if I had a nickle for every time I heard someone say, “I don’t agree with anyone…I have no ideology!” I would be a wealthy woman. It’s amazing how so many people can influence each other and still believe they’re intellectual lone-wolves, with these super deep and complex and interesting histories that no one else fully understands.
    Yeah–freethinkers, for sure!

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    1. Lucy

      You’re one to talk, you’ve got the most unoriginal shit I’ve ever seen, with your borrowed TERF talking points and everything. It would be hilarious if you weren’t such a manipulative asshole about it.

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  7. mrsmcmommy Post author

    By the way, Other Readers, if anyone is still scrolling way down here, I want to make something clear:
    I’m definitely NOT original.

    Anything good or true or funny or remotely interesting is a borrowed gift from God. I can only take credit for the ugly, unwise stuff. But even that isn’t technically “new” to the world. Even my stupidity has all been done before.

    I think all of us children would be better off if we stopped trying to create something new/interesting, and just sought the advice of the Creator about what He has already made.

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  8. Pingback: Feminism and Transgenderism Collide | Cultures at War

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