We’ve Kissed Relevance Goodbye

Why is the Church always 20-30 years behind the culture?

Why do we struggle to call out the shameful heretics WHILE THEY ARE TEACHING, and we prefer to focus on supposedly bad leadership of the past instead?

Recently (on the podcast) we discussed the statue being crafted out of melted purity rings into a golden vagina, courtesy of the Feminist Harm-Doer, Nadia Bolz-Weber.

I call her a “harm-doer” because I want to be very clear about the situation NOW, so that Millennials might be willing to call her out in 20-30 more years.

Right now, they’re too busy feeling sorry for themselves because Josh Harris wrote a book in the 90’s and told teens that God wants them to save sex for marriage.

Most of them didn’t take his advice.

And then they felt bad.

And now they’re accepting Josh’s apology for a bunch of stuff he never said about how God only loves virgins.

(You can click on that link to read Josh’s full statement, or you can read my paraphrase: “I said some stuff when I was a kid that I would nuance differently today.  But I don’t want to be too specific. My book helped people. Yet, I’d like to apologize to anyone who struggled with things they imagined I said. My publisher will stop selling this dangerous book, right after we finish selling the ones we’ve already printed, so we don’t lose money. It’s the same as recalling an automobile.”  (*insert Amanda rolling her eyes)

The fact that a straight, white, Christian man is apologizing for some vague group of people’s vague feelings isn’t even news anymore…  

Yet–here we are–in the comment thread in which we’re trying to discuss Nadia Bolz-Weber’s Golden Vagina, but we keep being sidetracked by Josh Harris’ book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” instead:

12.22.18 Stuck in the 90's (1) (edit)

12.22.18 Stuck in the 90's (3) (edit)

12.22.18 Stuck in the 90's (4) (edit)

I’ll admit, I was offended when Purple threw in her comment about “Christians who met and married their spouses early.”   I don’t appreciate being dismissed by people who think my young marriage was a matter of luck. 

First of all, an emphasis on pure living wasn’t simply “harmless” for me. It influenced me and actually saved me from a bunch of problems, as all cases of resisting sin tend to do. In fact, avoiding certain sexual pitfalls helped me so much that it apparently looked like I had it very easy, from the outside perspective of those who did NOT wait to have sex.  I want to assure those who are confused: waiting to have sex was the right thing to do, but it wasn’t easy.

So, although it may SEEM like I managed to avoid the harm of a rotten Purity Message, simply by being lucky enough to land a husband early, it’s out-of-touch to suggest that those of us who saved our virginity “enjoyed” the process of controlling ourselves until our wedding nights.  Furthermore, there was nothing “simple” or “black-and-white” about the WORK two young Christians did (and continue to do) in striving to make wise sexual choices.

I know, I know, Purple didn’t SAY “you had it easy.”  But that’s the impression I’m getting…  And Josh Harris didn’t SAY, “If you are an entirely pure, good little virgin, God will place the perfect husband right on your doorstep,” but the only thing that matters is what I hear, right?

12.22.18 Stuck in the 90's (5) (edit)

I wonder if Purple and other members of the Anti-Purity-Movement-Movement will issue an apology someday, to those of us who married young.   Perhaps we’ll see in 20-30 years.

But that brings me back to my point:

There’s virtually no reason to be talking about Josh Harris (and his supposed “movement”) from the 90’s, except that Christians tend to struggle with the evil that’s right under their noses IN 2018!

When we’re absorbed with grievances from our own youth, we’re willing to defend the anti-God teaching which is damaging the youth of today.

Wake up, Church!

Don’t be so self-focused that you give your own children’s Bad Teachers a pass because you sense they are allies in your holy war against “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.”

There’s nothing WRONG with saying, “God designed sex for marriage.”  (It’s true, actually.) There’s nothing wrong with teaching young people to be conscious of what drives them… Are they God-centered or physical-grativication-centered?

Yet, it’s foundationally wrong to say, “Sometimes I can be an asshole, but it’s almost as though I can hear Jesus saying ‘uh, that’s okay, it’s not that I love you and claim you despite that. I love you and claim you because of that.’”

It’s foundationally wrong to teach people they are “already holy.”

(These are both direct quotes from Bolz-Weber, by the way. I didn’t just get the impression that she’s teaching those things…)

Do you think Ol’ Nadia will ever come around to admitting that she’s hurting people with her bad theology? In 20-30 years, will she ask her publishers to stop printing Pastrix and Shameless?


Or maybe we’ll have to wait to discuss Nadia Bolz-Weber until our children can speak for themselves and can tell us, point blank, how damaging the Feminist Movement has been…

“When I was growing up in the 2010’s, The Feminist Movement turned sex into a giant, ridiculous, shining beacon of an idol. Popular teachers made me think that God’s main goal was to ‘free’ me to explore any and all sexual impulses.”

For Heaven’s sake, Millennials, we want to talk about “relevance” all the time, but we’re still reeling over the fact that our youth pastors told us not to screw around?  We’re still looking for ways to argue that the message was the problem, instead of recognizing it was our failure to take the good advice which damaged us?

Don’t worry, there’s forgiveness available for everyone who sleeps around, before and after they get married.  And, despite any impressions some 90’s babies may have gotten, Josh Harris never said otherwise.

But the things which are being taught by popular “pastors” TODAY fly in the face of very basic Gospel doctrine. 

Maybe we’ll find the motivation to be concerned about that as soon as we figure out what year it is…

Maybe, when we stop blaming the “Purity Movement” for the guilt we feel over our sins, then we’ll stop teaming up with the Harm-Doers in the Feminist Movement of this decade.

1 thought on “We’ve Kissed Relevance Goodbye

  1. SharaC

    This is so well said! I remember back in the day when Nadia was the up and coming woman to be reading (no internet back then, couldn’t ‘follow’ anyone…) My youth group leader adored her, but then would up leaving her marriage and our church to be a more “free spirit” or something. I married young as well and I did get a lot of flack from friends who just thought I had it easy – I didn’t have it easy, I just made (thanks to God’s mercy and help) better choices. You are spot on, the problem isn’t in the message and we are focused on the wrong thing if we waste our time focusing on the messenger.



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