It’s tough knowing how to say something like this. Honestly, it would be easier not to say anything at all. But I believe I have the responsibility to confront issues in the Church as well as treating others the way I want to be treated.
I’ve spent several weeks debating, and I’ve finally decided (if it were me) I would want to know if people had a problem with things I was writing in public. I hope this will be received in the spirit it’s intended, as a fellow Christ-lover who wants to see God glorified in all things.
So, here it goes.
I believe there are several things you’ve written on Facebook about your first marriage and your current engagement, which are bringing shame to The Body of Christ.
The first thing that disappointed me was a message written “to the woman who let him go.” (Specifically, it bothers me that your new girl posted a public declaration to your ex-wife, Krista, which boiled down to “You lose; I win.”) I’ve seen these types of things posted on Facebook before, and I find them completely tasteless.
“You failed” and “I’ll do better!”
What the heck? Seriously?
You ought to have removed the post…or put some balance on it…or said ANYTHING other than thanking her for “doing things to me that I’ve never felt before!”
Because–seriously–that’s something a 15-year-old might say to the girl he’s taking to homecoming.
If one of my daughters wrote to another woman saying, “I will never make the same mistakes you did” we would have a loooooong talk about WHY she thinks she’s going to have a better outcome than the last girl. God willing, by the time my young ladies are 20-something, they wouldn’t even think about posting “Thanks for letting him walk out of your life” because the Holy Spirit will stop them before I have to.
Saying “You Failed” and “I’ll do better” is bragging at best, and mean-spirited at worst. No good can possibly come from it.
This is especially true when the last wife didn’t “fail.” She was abandoned by an unfaithful husband. What a foolish thing to write.
But the shameful posts didn’t end there.
As I kept scrolling on your wall, I saw many references to “The ONE” and “best I’ve ever felt” and “happiest I’ve ever been,” which made me realize you think love is a feeling.
Again, if any of my siblings or my children talked like this I would warn them that the idea of “The One” is wrong and dangerous. I would tell them to start thinking with their minds–and stop following that tingly thing.
When we believe God created a special person just for us, then we can assume we’ve married the WRONG “one” as soon as the relationship sucks.
(And relationships ALWAYS suck eventually…)
Judging the status of a relationship based on how it makes us feel is selfish and wrong. If Jesus had acted on his feelings, he would have passed the cup of responsibility to somewhere else instead of sacrificing himself.
Furthermore, what’s with all the talk about “God’s plan?” As if God is the one who pulls people apart, through adultery, when he wants to see them happier with someone else? Are you suggesting Krista wasn’t your soul mate, so now God is fixing everything the way it was supposed to be?
That’s the kind of nonsense we end up preaching when we think God speaks to us through our feelings.
We convince ourselves it was a “mistake” when we married Ms. Wrong… and it was a “mistake” when our friends told us not to divorce her and we did anyway… but, then, it wasn’t really a mistake because it was just God’s way of leading us to Ms. Right!
Blech. Don’t get me started on all the “amen”s from Christians who are too cowardly to tell you the truth.
The “love of your life” is whoever you CHOOSE to lay down your life for. You promised to sacrifice for Krista. But you are making yourself a liar with every step you take toward following temporary feelings for another woman instead. That’s the wrong choice.
Perhaps you will go ahead and marry Breanna despite the fact that it’s a sin. (Not a past sin…it’s a current, premeditated decision to remarry immorally.) Perhaps you will continue your pattern of using women for your own emotional gratification–mistakenly calling it “love”–instead of choosing the self-denying path.
Perhaps you will throw yourselves a party regardless of what wise counselors have to say.
But, if that’s the case, then at the very least I must ask that you stop sharing fine-sounding quotes from secular support groups and pretending it’s Christian teaching. Please stop leading the weak astray with your poor understanding of how love and grace and forgiveness work.
I realize I could take some flak for speaking. (There are some people who think Christianity is about raising their hands or typing “amen.” And they don’t like when one part of the Body holds another accountable for hurting us.) But I have the support of those who want The Church members to have healthy relationships, both with God and each other.
Since love is an action, and not a tingly feeling, I’m doing my best to love you right now. I’m trying to love you AND Breanna AND Krista AND the young Christians you are damaging with your magnetic personality and shallow theology.
I’m praying that you’ll consider all of this through the lens of Proverbs 27:6–because I think you have a difficult decision to make: whether you’re going to accept difficult criticism from a real friend, or if you’re going to tell everyone I’m speaking for Satan because you prefer kisses from fans instead…
I’m asking God to help each of us grow in wisdom and discernment, so that all of our choices will be God-centered rather than self-centered.
Because of Him,