Most people know Joel Osteen as the botoxed preacher of a heretical gospel who leads a megachurch in Houston.
“He’s barely a Christian,” remarked local resident, Alice Underwater. “His Theology is shallow. His books are shallow. His tweets are shallow.”
That’s why Alice was surprised to get more help from Osteen’s church than from the people Tweeting about his church.
“I got diapers and formula from Lakewood Church yesterday, ” Alice reports. “If I had to choose between that and my Christian friend’s angry-tweets at Joel Osteen, I would say I appreciate the diapers slightly more.”
Christians from outside the Houston area have been weighing in:
After reading these comments, Alice Underwater responded, “Well, I’m not sure what a ‘proper portion’ of Joel’s wealth would be…but I didn’t get any diapers from Kim…and I did get some from Joel’s church… so….”
When asked whether they have experience organizing and maintaining a pop-up shelter, Osteen critics gave answers such as, “Those are just details” and “God would provide…somehow.”
Meanwhile, Alice continues struggling to wrap her mind around what happened.
“If you asked me who talked about helping flood victims the most, I would say ‘Osteen’s critics did,’ but I just can’t believe some of them actually DID less than him! It takes a lot of work to beat him in the hypocrisy department.”
Later she added wryly: “My baby can’t eat your outrage, folks.”