Houston Woman Shocked that Some People are Less Christian than Osteen

Most people know Joel Osteen as the botoxed preacher of a heretical gospel who leads a megachurch in Houston.

“He’s barely a Christian,” remarked local resident, Alice Underwater.  “His Theology is shallow. His books are shallow. His tweets are shallow.”

That’s why Alice was surprised to get more help from Osteen’s church than from the people Tweeting about his church. 

“I got diapers and formula from Lakewood Church yesterday, ” Alice reports. “If I had to choose between that and my Christian friend’s angry-tweets at Joel Osteen, I would say I appreciate the diapers slightly more.”

Christians from outside the Houston area have been weighing in:


8.29.17 Criticism for Osteens (#1)

8.29.17 Criticism for Osteens (#2)

After reading these comments, Alice Underwater responded, “Well, I’m not sure what a ‘proper portion’ of Joel’s wealth would be…but I didn’t get any diapers from Kim…and I did get some from Joel’s church… so….”

When asked whether they have experience organizing and maintaining a pop-up shelter, Osteen critics gave answers such as, “Those are just details” and “God would provide…somehow.”

Meanwhile, Alice continues struggling to wrap her mind around what happened.

“If you asked me who talked about helping flood victims the most, I would say ‘Osteen’s critics did,’ but I just can’t believe some of them actually DID less than him! It takes a lot of work to beat him in the hypocrisy department.”

Later she added wryly: “My baby can’t eat your outrage, folks.”

8 thoughts on “Houston Woman Shocked that Some People are Less Christian than Osteen

  1. insanitybytes22

    Ha! I love this. Well done.

    I like to pick on Joel too, he’s great comedic fodder. However, I do try to do it gently, carefully. I once watched him get on-line personally and minister to some stranger in the throws of depression. There is a bit more to him than just his TV personality.

    Kind of sweet, yesterday there were all sorts of complaints about Osteen flying through face book, but there were also a whole bunch of Christians too, reminding people not to buy the baloney, the fake news, how to handle their complaints biblically and what not. It was pretty neat to watch.


    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      I wrote on Facebook that I hate being put in a position where I have to defend Trump or Osteen or anyone I fundamentally disagree with…

      … But sometimes I feel that I have no choice. 😉

      I get veeeeeery uncomfortable when Christians start suggesting how much others “should” be giving. Yes, Osteen is wrong about a lot, maybe even most stuff. But mind your own wallet.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wally Fry

    Hi Amanda. I am glad you wrote this because I felt this deeply and it bothered me. I love to pick on Joel Osteen, I really do. But, whether I like it or not, he does have a decent record of reaching out and helping Houston, far more so than some of the ones squawking. I wonder if they put a displace person in THEIR spare bedroom?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      Some of us have a really awful habit of giving ourselves a pass because we (subconsciously) put people in a hierarchy of “influence.” If someone appears to have more of this invisible thing we call “influence” then we hold them to “a higher standard” and feel justified ignoring the whole speck and plank thing…

      But–make no mistake–if we’re not practicing what we preach and doing EVERYTHING we can for victims of natural disasters, we have no business monitoring the bank accounts of other Christians. (I’m not sure we EVER have business in their bank accounts… but certainly not when we’re living in mansions compared to some people and we’re not opening a bed ourselves.)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wally Fry

        Well here is some more irony for you. Normally we see Christians being very conservative economically, and quite opposed to the forced redistribution of wealth. I am myself. But, it’s US who is hollering and demanding that others….wait for it…be forced or coerced into redistributing their wealth!


      2. mrsmcmommy Post author

        Well, technically, peer-pressure isn’t the same as Government pressure.

        If Joel Osteen really SHOULD give X number of dollars, because God wants him to give X number of dollars, then we Christians should encourage him to follow the Holy Spirit…

        However, the people who are angry at him have no idea how much money God wants him to give… (If they actually tried to give a dollar amount, they would realize the problem.) They’re just mad–deeply and PERSONALLY.


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