How Stigmas Get Created

Just being a woman doesn’t make me a feminist.

Just being pregnant doesn’t make me annoyed by your pregnancy comments.

(Just being a homeschooler doesn’t make me annoyed by your homeschool comments.)

Not all girls want to “dismantle the patriarchy.”

Not all Asians are bothered by the suggestion that they’re good at math.

Not all black people call it a micro-aggression if you’re interested in their hair.

Not all people with mental illness believe we need to have more “conversations” about all the “stigma” surrounding their diagnosis…

…and that’s the trouble.

When well-meaning people use their personal opinions to speak for the whole group, then the whole group gets a reputation for thinking the same way…even when they don’t.

Eventually, the whole group starts being seen as equally over-sensitive.

Ironic, isn’t it?  Well-meaning activists have created a situation where the rest of society gets the idea that everybody with [insert trait] feels the same way about [insert issue].

The new “stigma” about people with mental illness is that they ALL feel mistreated.

The “stigma” about pregnant ladies is that they’re easily-angered by belly touches.

Asians are triggered by calculator jokes.

And all black people are sensitive about their hair.

These are stigmas that have been created by the very people supposedly trying to end stigmas!  

If they just let individuals speak for themselves, this wouldn’t happen.

If only we would stop lumping others into categories and making assumptions about them based on what ONE, loud member of that group claims.

In fact, you know what would be great?  It would be great if we started calling out the well-meaning (but WRONG) “activists” who begin every conversation with, “As a [female/person-of-color/mentally-ill/member of another group] let me educate you…”

Stop them right in their tracks and remind them, “You don’t speak for everybody.”

To the white, homeschooling, anxious/depressed, pregnant mothers who believe ALL OF US are sensitive about the same things: you don’t speak for me.

People are going to ask questions…they’re going to touch my belly…they’re going to do things I don’t necessarily like.  But some of us handle it just fine without writing “The 10 Things Not to Say to People Like Me.”

Thanks anyway.

Checking certain identity boxes does not make all of us the same.  What an unfortunate stigma to perpetuate…

(P.S. Not all Irish people are sensitive about the phrase “Paddy Wagon.”  lol.)

11 thoughts on “How Stigmas Get Created

  1. insanitybytes22

    Amen! Good post.

    I rue the day I ever heard, “the personal is political.” It is not. If someone had five lousy boyfriends,that does not translate into, “we must forcibly change the whole nature of men worldwide.”

    It could just mean they have lousy powers of discernment and questionable attraction cues. We’re all flawed, join the crowd. 🙂

    Myself, I don’t like to be stereotyped either, and if you think about it,the anti-racism/sexism crowd is the worst for that kind of thing. What if I’m female or black and want to self identify as “privileged?” What if I like being privileged? Well,people who try to do that are often beaten back down into their place,where all women must be oppressed or whatever. It’s kind of like the law. Stay in the stigma where we have placed you. People who don’t become traitors.


    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      I joined a “Women Against Feminism” group on Facebook years ago… And, while I don’t agree with EVERYTHING they post, one of the things that gets said regularly is, “No man has ever treated me as unfairly as feminists always seem to…”

      When you start to unpack the basics of Identity Politics, it makes total sense why that would be true. (And I’ve heard the same testimony from black conservatives as well: the worst hatred comes from fellow black Americans.)

      Liked by 1 person

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  3. Minimalist MD

    Great post! We’re in the Age of Identity and society is telling you what to think or feel based on your identity! And usually they want you to feel insulted or oppressed by someone of a different identity!
    By the way I love collard greens and fried chicken and watermelon as much as beef and broccoli and Lo mein! Lol


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