Twelve Things Your Crying Baby Wants You to Know (plus One More)

This was shared in a mother’s group I’m part of:

12 Things your Crying Baby Wants you to Know

1. I am not crying to make your life more difficult. I am crying because something is wrong. Even if it does not seem like it.

2. I am brand new. I do not have control of my nervous system. I am disorganized. Being with you; hearing your heartbeat, smelling your scent… it calms me. It helps me.

3. The fact that I cannot stop crying is not your fault. I know your are doing your best. We are just getting to know each other. We will get there- please stick with me.

4. You are my world. You are my everything. You are all that I know. I do not have anybody else that can provide for me what you can.

5. I do not need to cry. It does not exercise my lungs, or provide any other benefit.

6. The stress chemicals that are released when I cry (that stay with me my whole life) are lessened when you hold me while I cry.

7. Please nurse me. No matter how much I ask for it. Forget the time or how tired you are. If nursing helps me to stop crying, please nurse me.

8. Do not listen to anybody else– not your neighbor, not your aunt. Forget the book that you read which talked about helping me to learn to self soothe. Just listen to me. And you. Forget the world outside of ours.

9. I cannot self soothe. It is not possible. If I stop crying when you leave me alone, it is because I have given up hope that you will comfort me.

10. If you are at your breaking point ask for help; with the dishes, the laundry and preparing meals. If I am content with somebody else, please use that time to shower or change or have a cup of tea.

11. I know this stuff is hard to hear. We live in a world that promotes political correctness at the expense of others. My needs are real, and I really need you; even when this means eating one handed and with dirty hair. I am your baby. You are my parent.

12. This will not last forever. It feels like it now because we are in this time warp of newbornhood. If you comfort me now, I will be calmer sooner. We will be closer. This time will end- this is not the rest of your life. While you may never long for the crying, your wiser self will be grateful to know that you trusted me, and yourself, from the very beginning…

*snickers*

I can’t help it! I crack up at this sort of thing!

The irony is too good when someone writes “don’t listen to anyone else” in the middle of a 12-point lecture against sleep-training.

Plus, the dramatic, first-person prose!  HAHAHAHA! My favorite line is, “If I stop crying when you leave me alone, it is because I have given up hope…”

Good grief!

So I commented.  How could I resist?

Here’s the thirteenth thing your baby wants you to know, which I added:

“13.  I didn’t really write this list.  I can’t write.  I’m a baby.  This list was written by an adult woman with an agenda and opinions, just like all of us have. Number 8 might apply to this list, just like it applies to authors of books about self-soothing. Everybody thinks they know what’s best for me!  (P.S. I won’t suffer lifelong stress from being allowed to cry for short periods, as part of a reasonable sleep-training program. That’s just silly.)”

Unfortunately, that comment was deleted.

*snickers again*

Seriously!  It’s gone!

I think I might go cry now.

Hopefully my mom will come make it better…

5.16.17 Comment Deleted

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7 thoughts on “Twelve Things Your Crying Baby Wants You to Know (plus One More)

  1. Jasmine Ruigrok

    I’d add 14:

    “If you followed all these steps to help ensure I remain a selfish and self-centered child, I will repay your doting by being a terrifying five year old that demands its own way and will throw a fit if it doesn’t get it. I will expect to get exactly what I want every time I cry.

    Because you trained me that way.”

    Twenty years later, the kid’s in jail for hot wiring a car he wanted.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      Hahaha, yes!
      I love this strategy of putting all my personal opinions in the kids’ voice. Seems to add legitimacy to things which otherwise might be kiiiiiind of offensive!

      Like

      Reply
  2. insanitybytes22

    “The stress chemicals that are released when I cry (that stay with me my whole life) are lessened when you hold me while I cry.”

    Ahhh, the mommy guilt. It begins so soon. If you don’t pick that child up instantly, it’s going to permanently rewire his entire DNA for life! How will you ever live with yourself?

    “I do not need to cry. It does not exercise my lungs, or provide any other benefit.”

    Oh. Well it seems to work that way for me! It’s especially helpful during the teen age years. I highly recommend more crying.

    “If I stop crying when you leave me alone, it is because I have given up hope that you will comfort me….”

    Or perhaps I am just really grateful to enjoy a few moments of peace away from my totally neurotic mother?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      Hilarious!
      …It makes me think I need to rewrite the entire letter, from the baby’s perspective, and then start posting it in breastfeeding support groups.
      “Dear Mom, I know you’re doing your best. But, please don’t take me to those Mommy and Me meetings anymore. Those other ladies are Awful with a capital A. Love, your baby.”

      I’m sure they’ll appreciate it! 😀

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  3. steveyouthguy

    i am guessing that the giver of that great advice would struggle with feed, change, spend time with, then put them down for rest and ….. let them cry till they are asleep. The title of this list may have formerly been titled “How to create a little well fed tyrant”

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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