Monthly Archives: May 2017

Advice the World Won’t Give You (Part 4)

Dear Children,

Don’t expect recognition for doing the right thing.

In fact, expect that many people will dismiss you because you’ve “never really lived.”

People who make good choices are assumed to be naive.  

The culture tends to value those who have done really stupid things, once they claim they’ve learned their lesson.  If you want to be popular, then get tangled in bad relationships, or drugs, or preferably something that lands you in the hospital or jail or both… and THEN, after a series of bad choices, announce that you’re ready to change.

You’ll become cultural heroes!

The biggest screw-ups become the most popular motivational speakers, because (we think) they’ve really experienced ALL life has to offer. We believe those screw-ups have MORE to offer than a small-town A-student who has never been in trouble.

So, I’m warning you, children: people might think you got where you are because you’ve never really been tempted…

They’ll think you don’t know what it’s like to struggle…

It rarely occurs to an arrogant Screw-Up that a “Good Kid” earns that label because he/she has struggled exactly as they have…and, unlike the screw-up, the Good Kid won!

Not only do I expect you to do what’s right without recognition.  I expect you to do what’s right, even when you’re devalued because of it.

Even when your wisdom is called “privilege”  and your victories are called “luck.”

When you try to tell others the secrets of your successes, and you’re told to sit down because they would rather take advice from screw-ups than have the humility to listen to a Good Kid, please remember that social recognition was not your goal in the first place.

Know that your children and their children and their children will benefit in a hundred unseen ways from the fact that you never ran with the wrong crowd… you never had to be set straight in the court system… you never NEEDED a major life turnaround, because you had the strength and determination to walk the narrow path from the beginning.

Your mom gets it.

I’ve had my life’s accomplishments listed for me as if they’re strikes against my credibility.  “Well, you’re not very experienced because you married the only man you’ve ever been with!  You had kids young! You’ve never run from the cops–never even TRIED drugs!”

I know how hard it is not to scream at those people:  “THAT’S BECAUSE I’M SMARTER THAN YOU!”

…but don’t do that, babies.  Be wise enough to hold your tongues.

Even though some folks will assume life has been easy for you, be proud that you’ve made it look easy.

The Arrogant Screw-Ups have to believe their lots were harder, because they feel small (and like a screw-up) when they stand next to you.

There will always be a bigger celebration for the Prodigal than for the faithful children who’ve done the difficult, self-disciplined thing all along…

Be the faithful, self-disciplined ones anyway.

I’m so proud of you.

Love, Mom

 

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Quiz: How Liberal is my Christianity?

#1.  Jesus isn’t a Republican, but he sort of leans Democrat.   

True– 3 points

False– 1 point

 

#2.   Paul said “the Law” was good. What should we do with that information? 

Quote Paul in church– 1 point

Toss out several of Paul’s books, because “cultural differences”– 3 points

 

#3.  Does “living a holy life” apply to your language?

Yes– 1 point

No– 3 points

 

#4.  Does “living a holy life” apply to anything, other than voting for socialist government programs?

Socialism is unChristian– 1 point

Christianity is personal, not political– 2 points

God doesn’t care who you’re sleeping with, but he watches the polls like a hawk– 3 points

 

#5. How do you feel about the current Pope?

He doesn’t seem very Catholic– 1 point

All other Popes/Catholics have been wrong. THIS one represents God best– 2 points

 

#6.  What is your favorite accusation to lob at fellow Christians?

“You need to repent!” — 1 point

“Don’t judge me!”  –2 points

“You’re a modern-day Pharisee!” –3 points

“You’re like the Pharisees because you’re so judgey, and you need to repent.” –4 points

 

#7.  Does Hell exist?

Of course. There must be a place for people who reject God.  –1 point

No. The only loving thing to do is drag people to Heaven against their will. –2 points

Hell definitely doesn’t exist to punish my favorite sins. But, I hope it’s a real place for Donald Trump.  –3 points

 

#8.  What’s your favorite name for God?

Lord/Master– 1 point

Defender of the Weak– 2 points

Force/Life-Source/Mother– 3 points

 

#9. Are you offended by this quiz?

No, I think it’s funny– 1 point

You’re a Pharisee and you need to judge less– 4 points

*********************************************************

Total your points!

1-10 = Boring Traditionalist (You’re probably a Pharisee, and you’d go to Hell if it existed.)

11-18 = Boundary Pusher (Admit it. You’ve actually said, “I love Jesus, but I hate his fan-club,” haven’t you?  Haven’t you???)

19 or more = Proud Liberal (Thankfully, pride isn’t a sin because God wants us to have high self-esteem.)

Twelve Things Your Crying Baby Wants You to Know (plus One More)

This was shared in a mother’s group I’m part of:

12 Things your Crying Baby Wants you to Know

1. I am not crying to make your life more difficult. I am crying because something is wrong. Even if it does not seem like it.

2. I am brand new. I do not have control of my nervous system. I am disorganized. Being with you; hearing your heartbeat, smelling your scent… it calms me. It helps me.

3. The fact that I cannot stop crying is not your fault. I know your are doing your best. We are just getting to know each other. We will get there- please stick with me.

4. You are my world. You are my everything. You are all that I know. I do not have anybody else that can provide for me what you can.

5. I do not need to cry. It does not exercise my lungs, or provide any other benefit.

6. The stress chemicals that are released when I cry (that stay with me my whole life) are lessened when you hold me while I cry.

7. Please nurse me. No matter how much I ask for it. Forget the time or how tired you are. If nursing helps me to stop crying, please nurse me.

8. Do not listen to anybody else– not your neighbor, not your aunt. Forget the book that you read which talked about helping me to learn to self soothe. Just listen to me. And you. Forget the world outside of ours.

9. I cannot self soothe. It is not possible. If I stop crying when you leave me alone, it is because I have given up hope that you will comfort me.

10. If you are at your breaking point ask for help; with the dishes, the laundry and preparing meals. If I am content with somebody else, please use that time to shower or change or have a cup of tea.

11. I know this stuff is hard to hear. We live in a world that promotes political correctness at the expense of others. My needs are real, and I really need you; even when this means eating one handed and with dirty hair. I am your baby. You are my parent.

12. This will not last forever. It feels like it now because we are in this time warp of newbornhood. If you comfort me now, I will be calmer sooner. We will be closer. This time will end- this is not the rest of your life. While you may never long for the crying, your wiser self will be grateful to know that you trusted me, and yourself, from the very beginning…

*snickers*

I can’t help it! I crack up at this sort of thing!

The irony is too good when someone writes “don’t listen to anyone else” in the middle of a 12-point lecture against sleep-training.

Plus, the dramatic, first-person prose!  HAHAHAHA! My favorite line is, “If I stop crying when you leave me alone, it is because I have given up hope…”

Good grief!

So I commented.  How could I resist?

Here’s the thirteenth thing your baby wants you to know, which I added:

“13.  I didn’t really write this list.  I can’t write.  I’m a baby.  This list was written by an adult woman with an agenda and opinions, just like all of us have. Number 8 might apply to this list, just like it applies to authors of books about self-soothing. Everybody thinks they know what’s best for me!  (P.S. I won’t suffer lifelong stress from being allowed to cry for short periods, as part of a reasonable sleep-training program. That’s just silly.)”

Unfortunately, that comment was deleted.

*snickers again*

Seriously!  It’s gone!

I think I might go cry now.

Hopefully my mom will come make it better…

5.16.17 Comment Deleted

Go To Hell

The people most offended by the concept of Hell are those who deserve it the most.

All of us have a sense of justice. We all know that evil exists–but we never want to admit when WE belong in that category.

Case in point, John My-Sin-Is-Better-Than-Yours Pavlovitz.  (Just when I thought he couldn’t get any more unhinged.)

Earlier John actually posted a piece called “Today, I Hope There’s a Hell,” in which he outlined the reason he’s starting to rethink his belief about spiritual damnation:

Because if there indeed is a hell, it will be surely getting more crowded after today.

If there’s a hell it will be filled with people who claimed faith in Jesus, while spending the National Day of Prayer stripping the sick of care and the vulnerable of protection—and acting as if this was a righteous victory.

If there’s a hell, it will be packed to the rafters with Christians who chose to turn the other way or to be silent as they watched it all happen.

If there is a hell, Donald Trump and Paul Ryan and Mike Pence, and all those who conspired to perpetrate this horror upon our most vulnerable and most at-risk, might actually come to the humility and repentance and decency that they seem incapable of here.

Got that?

The man who regularly makes use of the “Love Wins” hashtag is reconsidering the need for Hell…because Donald Trump and Paul Ryan need somewhere to pay for repealing chunks of Obamacare.

That seems reasonable and not-at-all like an overreaction, right?

He also Tweeted this today:

So, if you’ve ever argued that “ALL LIVES MATTER,” then you HAVE to support Obamacare.

Because, repealing the AHCA (and anything that John considers “anti-LGBTQ”) automatically makes you a liar.

The only people who really care about all lives are the ones who vote in John-approved ways…

It would almost be funny if it weren’t for the dozens and dozens of mindless followers who pile on to agree with the insanity.

 

And, my personal favorite,  “as a disabled woman…at least I KNOW the GOP wants me DEAD!”

I mean, how can you hit “send” on a comment like that without laughing?

Post after post after post like this!

When one talking head suggests that a piece of legislation is literally life and death for millions of people, they just hop on the bandwagon? They actually believe, wholeheartedly, that politicians replacing Obamacare are LITERALLY trying to kill disabled people?

The horde brings up a certain mental image for me:

Of course there’s a Hell!

 

The people who advocate most passionately for “justice” ought to be the first to admit this. They recognize the truth at their core.

There must be a place where people are held “accountable” for their wrongs.  There must be a point where “Karma” catches up to evil-doers.  There must be a reckoning for the lying, blame-shifting, self-absorbed people who only use God’s name for their own, personal gain.

Hell is a place where anger and hate still exist, but critical thought cannot.

The residents of Hell will spend all of eternity insisting that they were absolutely right about everything.  They will believe, into infinity, that their perspective is more correct and their hearts are more good and more beautiful than anyone who was ushered into Heaven.  

Many of them will have spent their earthly lives believing that posting to Facebook about the awful GOP is the same as being compassionate…which means they will spend their afterlives convinced that God is the monster for treating them as equals to Donald Trump.

They’ll say psychotic things like, “All of those so-called Christians in Heaven wanted me DEAD, and now they’re being rewarded for it!!!!”

But none of their neighbors will think that’s insane.

People who deserve Hell are always the first to argue it’s not fair.

Pride.

Lack-of-reason.

Self-obsession.

Illogical anger.

Yes,  Hell exists.

And John Pavlovitz’s blog is the front porch.