Don’t Trust Your Partner

I read this sage cliche in a Twitter feed this morning:

“Trust is very important. No relationship can survive without it!”

The context?  Folks were discussing this bombshell revelation from a White House reporter on Twitter…

So, the VP doesn’t go to parties where alcohol is served, without taking his wife for accountability. He also doesn’t take other women to dinner alone.

I’m not sure what all the fuss is about–except that Mike Pence is a favorite punching bag of Regressive Liberals.  Having boundaries in a relationship shows respect for your spouse and shouldn’t be ridiculed by someone older than about 14.    (What is this, a middle school cafeteria?)

Pence didn’t say every relationship should have the same policy.  He just explained what he and his wife do.

But, nevertheless, the monkeys chattered:

 

And so, the buzzword of the day is “Trust.”  Is it totally fine for politicians to go out to dinner, one-on-one, with a woman who isn’t a family member?

Or do rules against solo interactions reveal a “lack of trust” in your spouse/yourself/others?

I would say yes, it does show a lack of trust, in a certain sense.  

But, I don’t believe that “trust” is the MOST IMPORTANT component of a relationship. I think wisdom and discernment and practicality are all important, too. And that’s where the modern relationship advice-givers are wrong.

Do I trust my husband?

Depends on the situation.

Based on experience, I can trust that Luke will do a great job with any plumbing or electrical projects he undertakes in our home.  I trust him to make very tasty quesadillas…to keep our kids fed and happy when I need to go somewhere…to forgive me when we’ve had a fight…

I do NOT trust my husband to drive late at night on very little sleep.

Again, experience has taught me.  Since I love my husband and don’t want him to end up dead in a ditch, I’m aware of this weakness he has.

“Don’t tell yourself you’re fine to drive if you’re not!  Just pull over if necessary…”   –Me, not trusting my husband.

On a similar note, when we first got married, I didn’t trust Luke to hear his alarm in the morning.  I lost track of the number of times he was late to work or church or something else, because he would make compromises and tell himself he was “getting up,” until, eventually, he fell unconscious again.

It was a big problem early in our relationship.

But, in the last few years, he has gotten much better about waking up. (I can’t even remember the last time he was late to work.)   Thus, he has gained my trust in this area.

 

Knowing my husband helps me understand the places he can/can’t be trusted. Loving my husband inspires me to help him grow in the areas he is weak.  (And love also requires me to be honest about MY weaknesses with HIM, so we can work on those, too.)

Love doesn’t mean wearing blinders and pretending people are trustworthy if they’re not.

“Love” doesn’t mean Mrs. Pence should ignore the mountains of evidence that politicians don’t always choose wisely, when they’re left alone in the company of female colleagues.

 

 

 

Love doesn’t mean playing stupid!

Use your head.  People have affairs.  That actually happens.

So, a wise individual will do what he/she can to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.


 

What kind of person mocks someone for taking precautions against bad behavior?

Would we ridicule a recovering alcoholic for refusing to take even cold medicine?

Do we think it’s weird and creepy if someone addicted to pornography asks someone to put a password on their computer?

I think the people who know their weaknesses and take active steps to combat them deserve our respect.  Certainly, they have earned more “trust,” than the person demanding the benefit of the doubt and labeling your concerns as paranoia.

Society is filled with infidelity and failing marriages, but we still think a healthy couple simply pretends that isn’t reality. Love means living as though your significant other is incapable of making mistakes. (And, if temptations arise, then it wasn’t Real Love to begin with. That’s what we think!)

But, I’m not buying that.

I’m suspicious of someone who won’t make even the smallest sacrifice (like avoiding solo-dinners) to demonstrate their goodwill and character. Something so easy!

 

“Don’t tell yourself you’re fine to have dinner with “just a friend,” if you’re not.  Don’t have dinner with anyone, alone, if necessary…”    –Me, not trusting humans in general.

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Don’t Trust Your Partner

    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      Personally, I think it’s insecurity.
      Most of the critics have never even seen–let alone been part of–a successful, life-long marriage.

      All of us want to share our two cents. But, we also know it’s unwise to take financial advice from broke people. 🙂 (That’s when the broke people get insecure.)

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  1. Kari Teachout

    In today’s world, saying “no” to certain things doesn’t always mean a lack of trust of a spouse. It can also mean a lack of trust for others who would twist a situation to their advantage, especially politically. Can you imagine the damage that could be done to Pence if he did go to dinner with another lady and that lady lied, said things happened that didn’t, etc. It is similar to why all the doors at church/school have a window in them. It is not because the teachers aren’t trusted, but because it helps to eliminate the option for others to claim something happened. For either reason, it is wise, something many in our culture don’t seem to get these days. 😦

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    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      Totally agree.
      Prudence takes many forms…

      One of the other comments I read, which I didn’t take a picture of, said something like, “My father used to keep his office door open whenever a female colleague came in…I supposed he was sexist, too?” Someone responded: “Yep. Yes, he was.”

      (*rolls eyes*)

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  2. Wally Fry

    Hi Amanda

    This reaction does not surprise me.

    For what it’s worth, I don’t even ride in a car with a woman other than my wife unless it happens to be her mother. It gets worse. On the occasions where I might have e mail communication with a woman from say WordPress or Social Media? She see’s it after I have done it.

    That “appearance of impropriety” thing…matters.

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    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      Hi, Mrs. Fry! 😉

      As I said in the article, Wally, I have far more reason to trust someone like you than I do someone who is offended that they need to EARN trust.

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      Reply
      1. Wally Fry

        I think if most of us were honest about our natures and the areas in which we are week, many of us would avoid a whole lot more situations. I actually avoid a lot of things, not because I am legalistic, but because I know me.

        Real life example. I LOVE AC/DC….really I do. I quit listening to them and chucked all of their music, because it put my mind in places I didn’t need to go. I frankly don’t care if anybody else want to crank it up, but I don’t anymore.

        For Mike Pence to be mocked for trying to avoid situations that might overpower him is just nuts.

        Kinda makes me wonder how him and The Donald get along LOL.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. silenceofmind

    When I was a public school I taught my students the liberal agenda even though I taught math and computer applications, not sex education:

    All true, long relations are based on guile and deception and that the difference between true love and herpes is that herpes lasts forever.

    They just couldn’t handle the truth.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. The Isaiah 53:5 Project

    Good post Amanda. I knew Pence would get it from liberals over this but, I think, it has as much to do with who he is than anything else.

    As far as what he does goes, I could not agree more, I am exactly the same way.

    I served in the military for 20 years where we had an unofficial “what goes TDY, stays TDY” policy and I have seen things that literally make me feel ill. Yes, marries men behaving like drunken frat boys as soon as they are away from home is quite common.

    That being said, I also tell young men I minister to to do exactly what Pence does because we, as sinful humans, cannot be trusted.

    Besides, how many men have had sexual encounters with “other women” and can only explain it by saying, “I didn’t mean to, it just happened. We were having some drinks and…” Easy solution, don’t put yourself in awkward positions.

    I also agree with Wally in that appearences of impropriety should be avoided. I know first hand that people talk and perception is often just as bad as reality.

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