I read this sage cliche in a Twitter feed this morning:
“Trust is very important. No relationship can survive without it!”
The context? Folks were discussing this bombshell revelation from a White House reporter on Twitter…
So, the VP doesn’t go to parties where alcohol is served, without taking his wife for accountability. He also doesn’t take other women to dinner alone.
I’m not sure what all the fuss is about–except that Mike Pence is a favorite punching bag of Regressive Liberals. Having boundaries in a relationship shows respect for your spouse and shouldn’t be ridiculed by someone older than about 14. (What is this, a middle school cafeteria?)
Pence didn’t say every relationship should have the same policy. He just explained what he and his wife do.
But, nevertheless, the monkeys chattered:
And so, the buzzword of the day is “Trust.” Is it totally fine for politicians to go out to dinner, one-on-one, with a woman who isn’t a family member?
Or do rules against solo interactions reveal a “lack of trust” in your spouse/yourself/others?
I would say yes, it does show a lack of trust, in a certain sense.
But, I don’t believe that “trust” is the MOST IMPORTANT component of a relationship. I think wisdom and discernment and practicality are all important, too. And that’s where the modern relationship advice-givers are wrong.
Do I trust my husband?
Depends on the situation.
Based on experience, I can trust that Luke will do a great job with any plumbing or electrical projects he undertakes in our home. I trust him to make very tasty quesadillas…to keep our kids fed and happy when I need to go somewhere…to forgive me when we’ve had a fight…
I do NOT trust my husband to drive late at night on very little sleep.
Again, experience has taught me. Since I love my husband and don’t want him to end up dead in a ditch, I’m aware of this weakness he has.
“Don’t tell yourself you’re fine to drive if you’re not! Just pull over if necessary…” –Me, not trusting my husband.
On a similar note, when we first got married, I didn’t trust Luke to hear his alarm in the morning. I lost track of the number of times he was late to work or church or something else, because he would make compromises and tell himself he was “getting up,” until, eventually, he fell unconscious again.
It was a big problem early in our relationship.
But, in the last few years, he has gotten much better about waking up. (I can’t even remember the last time he was late to work.) Thus, he has gained my trust in this area.
Knowing my husband helps me understand the places he can/can’t be trusted. Loving my husband inspires me to help him grow in the areas he is weak. (And love also requires me to be honest about MY weaknesses with HIM, so we can work on those, too.)
Love doesn’t mean wearing blinders and pretending people are trustworthy if they’re not.
“Love” doesn’t mean Mrs. Pence should ignore the mountains of evidence that politicians don’t always choose wisely, when they’re left alone in the company of female colleagues.
Love doesn’t mean playing stupid!
Use your head. People have affairs. That actually happens.
So, a wise individual will do what he/she can to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.
What kind of person mocks someone for taking precautions against bad behavior?
Would we ridicule a recovering alcoholic for refusing to take even cold medicine?
Do we think it’s weird and creepy if someone addicted to pornography asks someone to put a password on their computer?
I think the people who know their weaknesses and take active steps to combat them deserve our respect. Certainly, they have earned more “trust,” than the person demanding the benefit of the doubt and labeling your concerns as paranoia.
Society is filled with infidelity and failing marriages, but we still think a healthy couple simply pretends that isn’t reality. Love means living as though your significant other is incapable of making mistakes. (And, if temptations arise, then it wasn’t Real Love to begin with. That’s what we think!)
But, I’m not buying that.
I’m suspicious of someone who won’t make even the smallest sacrifice (like avoiding solo-dinners) to demonstrate their goodwill and character. Something so easy!
“Don’t tell yourself you’re fine to have dinner with “just a friend,” if you’re not. Don’t have dinner with anyone, alone, if necessary…” –Me, not trusting humans in general.