Monthly Archives: November 2016

How To Fake a Hate Crime

Some of my peers have a problem.

They KNOW that a big portion of their neighbors are hateful racists…but they don’t have the evidence to prove it to the rest of the world.

Some have tried to popularize the term “microaggression” by suggesting that being called horrible names on social media is comparable to historical lynchings.  But people aren’t really buying that. And, as microaggressions increase, the cases of actual aggression are in pretty short supply.

So, what’s a good Justice Champion to do?

The solution: join the rising number Fake Hate Crime Artists.

You don’t know who Taylor Volk is–but you ought to. She has been drawing attention to the hateful, threatening notes she received as a result of Trump’s election. (On her social media, she included pictures of the notes, with homophobic slurs!)

The problem is: she made the whole thing up.

This puts Taylor in good company with  Kathy Mirah Tu, who report  a racist attack, which turned out to be false…

And with Sarah Harvard, who posted to social media with a hearsay report of Trump-inspired violence that the police department couldn’t verify.

Then there’s Ashley Boyer, who claimed to have been assaulted by four caucasians while they talked about the election results…

Plus, don’t forget the unnamed, female student who allegedly had a hijab ripped from her head by a white guy wearing a Trump hat… which is similar to Eleesha Long’s debunked story that her attackers were wearing Trump T-shirts... and this man who claimed his attackers told him it’s “Trump country now.”

All bogus.

None of them really happened.

And all of these are just the confirmed fake crimes in the last two weeks since the election.

There has been a Reddit dedicated to Hate Crime Hoaxes for several months, and a website that started years ago and recently reached its bandwidth.

So, in addition to the first problem I mentioned, it seems my peers have an even bigger problem: they’re really bad at faking hate crimes. 

Presumably, there are people sending themselves threats and setting their own houses on fire and blackening their own eyes who are actually getting away with it…

But what’s the secret to their success?

Can I help the rest of the poor, victim-minded young people do a better job convincing the world they’ve been victimized?

Here’s a helpful list of pointers to get you started.

Pulling Off a More Convincing Hate Crime

  1. DO file a police report.   Yes, I realize it’s illegal to file false reports.  But go big or go home! Do you want to make the world a better place, or not?!
  2. DON’T tell the police officer that your attacker handed you his business card reading, “Professional Racist Intimidator, hired by Donald J. Trump.”  You will convince DeRay Mckesson and Shaun King with that evidence–but probably not the officer.
  3. DO include video or pictures of any notes or graffiti you’ve planted on your own property. People love to see their assumptions confirmed in full color.
  4. DON’T tell your friends you “have names” or a license plate number or that the police caught the attackers.  (Remember: you don’t actually have any of those things.)
  5. DO learn to draw a swastika better than this.

Anything else my list is missing?

I just want to make sure that anyone who wants to cry wolf at least has a vague idea what a wolf looks/sounds like.  Those townspeople really WANT to believe the stories of hate crimes.

It’s a shame that ladies like Taylor and Sarah and Ashley make it so hard to trust every good, violent story we hear online…

For the more advanced student of faking hate crimes, read more here.

We *Heart* Small Government

I tweeted a few days ago about the way many of my liberal peers are (finally) taking an interest in limiting government power–now that they’ve gone from worshiping a President to loathing one.

And I’m thrilled.

Honestly, if it takes a crude-mouthed, bad-haired, caricature of reality television to motivate certain Americans to study government functions, I call it a net win.

We have Trump to thank for the sudden interest in the Electoral College.

We have Trump to thank now that Americans across the board are more skeptical of polls and mainstream media.

Thank you, Donald Trump, for helping demonstrate why the government needs to be kept small no matter who’s in office.

Maybe I’m being too optimistic. But I have hope that some people are beginning to understand why the Conservatives were outraged back in 2008. (And they were mocked for their reactions, remember?)

Well, now both sides have gotten the opportunity to re-evaluate and ask ourselves whether we maaaaaaybe put too much faith in politics….?

And now, the stage has been set for both sides to understand each other better and to BE the “change” we’d like to see, instead of expecting the government to handle everything for us…

In fact, there’s already evidence of that happening…thanks to Trump’s running mate, Mike Pence.

Again, fueled by the pure hatred of a talking head,  liberals have accidentally discovered how charities are supposed to work!  

They’re sending their own money to Planned Parenthood, in case the government decides to slow the cash flow a little.  And they’re vindictively donating those funds in Mike Pence’s name.

See for yourself.

As far as I’m concerned, this is more good news.  I’m proud of you, budding activists! You’ve got the idea! As individuals, we are supposed to put our money where our mouths are. “Vote with your dollar!” as the Conservatives say.

Stop trying to make others pay for your obsession with Planned Parenthood if you don’t care enough to chip in personally.

For years, I’ve been donating my own money to clinics that provide pregnancy testing and ultrasounds and referrals for pap smears and mammograms, just like Planned Parenthood. But my preferred clinics also provide free clothes and diapers and formula to needy mothers–without the violent Baby Smoothies!

That said, if the Baby Smoothies are important to you, then open those wallets.

Theoretically, private citizens like Katy Perry and the lovely ladies at Jezebel or “Periods for Pence” can keep the doors of Planned Parenthood open forever, without a single dime of tax-payer money, if they really, really believe in the mission there.

I’ve seen non-profits thrive this way before.

I only have a small bit of advice to help this movement succeed, for the new small-government fans who aren’t familiar with the inspiring ways a good privately-funded business can keep up its fundraising for more than a few months:

Here’s the secret: hatred isn’t enough.

Oh, sure, it’s kind of funny to picture Mike Pence receiving all of those “thank you for donating” letters. I’m not surprised there are at least 80,000 individuals who added their coins to the coffer, just to be part of such a delicious irony.

(Seriously, I don’t blame people for enjoying a little irony.  I mean, have you seen THIS VIDEO?  The celebratory music…the absolute certainty of Liberals that Trump wouldn’t win… President Obama saying, “Well, Donald Trump, at least I’m going to go down in history as a president!”  The whole thing is pretty cringe-worthy–and, therefore, hilarious.)

I don’t begrudge anyone a good laugh!

I’m just warning you that mocking Pence will get old eventually, and then an organization stands on it’s own merit.

A good ministry must convince a donor that it really is doing good for the community, long after the donor’s anger stops burning.

Hatred isn’t enough to keep a really good cause going.  

Love is the only fuel that stands the test of time.

These are just a couple of thoughts I want to leave with the new fans of small-government who want to reduce Trump’s power and take matters into their own hands.  (Yay! Conservatism!)

I recommend unsubscribing from Tampons for Trump and taking a few pointers from And Then There Were None Ministries on how to earn loyal, generous givers who stick around.

Together, we can make positive changes in the world.

But you have to remember what you’re always chanting at Donald Trump and Mike Pence:  Love wins.

[Black] Church, You Have Some Explaining to Do…

Church–we have some explaining to do.

But, of course, I’m not just talking about the Church as a whole.

I’m going to talk about racism.

Therefore, I need to divide the Church by color groups, and then lecture just a small category of the members.

I learned this technique from Phil Vischer, who announced this week that specifically White Christians need to explain the outcome of the recent election:

“…here we stand, white Christians, having just pushed a man into office who built his campaign on pledges to wall off and otherwise restrict the movements of brown people.”

Now, I’m not totally sure whether black conservatives also have some explaining to do?  (Blacks like this one and this one and all of these ? Do they need to explain themselves, too?)

But Phil helpfully wrote a follow-up piece, which included this statistic:

“When 90% of black evangelicals opposed a candidate whom 80% of white evangelicals supported, can we really say the body of Christ is colorblind?”

So, there you have it.  According to that carefully-worded sentence, Blacks and Whites didn’t vote exactly the same way in this election.

I mean–what else do you need to know?

Obviously, Black Christians need to explain why they failed to support a candidate which their White brothers and sisters saw as the best option.

Why did you vote against Conservative Supreme Court Justices?

Why did you vote AGAINST the white, working class that trusted Trump to save their jobs?

Ask yourself:

“How do I share the love of Jesus with a [white] neighbor, if I’m supporting their [lost income]? How do I share the love of Jesus with a [white] family if my fear prevents me from offering them help in the first place?…”

Feel free to disagree. But I’m worried that “we have created distrust for the church” by refusing to support the efforts to Make America Great Again.

Why don’t you want to make America great again, Black People?!?!?!?!

I guess what I’m trying to say is this:

“I’m concerned for the witness of the gospel. We need to explain to our [white] neighbors why our [lack of] support for Trump wasn’t a sign of our rejection of them. Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what we think we look like to the [white, working class]… It matters what they see when they look at us.”

Make sure you explain yourself to a White person this Sunday!

Then and Now

Things don’t really change.

Want proof?

I tracked down some articles and Tweets from 2012–to do a little comparing and contrasting.



THEN: Five Things I Don’t Understand About Christians Who Voted for Obama.

“…I confess confusion as to how even 20% [of Christians] could find a way to vote for Obama and still remain true to Scripture.”

NOW: Ten Reasons You Can’t Be a Christian And Vote for Trump.

“A Christian who supports Trump either does not understand this person and his positions, or supports him in spite of Christian convictions.”

THEN: Ted Nugent complains that Obam’s voters were “Pimps, whores, and welfare brats.”

“What subhuman varmint believes others must pay for their obesity, booze, cellphones, birth control, and abortions…?”

NOW: Rose McGowan explains Trump voters were misogynists.

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god this is what misogyny looks like. The hatred for a woman so deep that they will literally vote for the foulest.”

THEN: Sean Hannity says Americans deserved this; excluding himself.

“Americans you get the government you deserve… and it pains me to say this, but America right now deserves Barack Obama…Good luck with that.”

NOW:  ABFoundation implies Americans deserved this, excluding itself.

“The billionaire Republican businessman is close to winning the race and world markets are crashing. He’s all yours, America. He’s all yours.”

— ABFoundation (@ABFalecbaldwin) November 9, 2016

THEN: The losing side  gets laughed at for all of their crying (and threatening to move)…

“I am honestly scared for the future of this country if Obama is re-elected and am seriously considering moving to a different country…”

“I can’t stop crying 😦 I can’t believe this world. You people are idiots. Still for #RomneyRyan2012.”

NOW:  The losing side gets laughed at for all of their crying (and shaking)…

“We need to just take a break and just cry…”

“Literally can’t stop crying though?? Don’t try and tell me this is “just an election” because if that was the case i wouldn’t be crying.”

“I am literally shaking. I feel like I need to vomit. I want to cry. My heart hurts.”

THEN: Glenn Beck rallied his troops with his survival plan

“I’ve been telling you for a long time, and I’ve told my own staff. If the President wins [re-election], I don’t know how we survive…May I recommend, if you have a chance to buy farmland as a family, you buy farmland… Find a place where you are surrounded by like-minded people… Get your kids away from the schools indoctrinating them that socialism is okay… “

NOW: John Pavlovitz is putting together a survival plan

“If you pastor, lead, or attend a church that claims to be about the Gospel and to love diversity, I hope you’re putting together a specific and practical plan to protect the marginalized members of the communities in which you minister, and plan to speak explicitly to your people and community about bullying, harassment, and intimidation.”


I want to see more!


Threatening to move?

Demonizing the other side?

If you’ve got examples of history repeating itself, show me!

Twas the Night Before Election Day…

Since most of us have already settled on the candidate for whom we will be voting tomorrow, the only thing to do now is pad our minds with the pertinent propaganda, so we can reassure ourselves that we’ve made the right choice.

With that in mind, I’ve compiled this helpful list especially for my fellow Christians who want to feel secure that they’ve voted for God’s man (or woman).

Read and feel justified in your decisions, my friends!


If you’re voting for Trump, you’ll want to meditate on the fact that nobody is perfect. (Nobody is perfect! Nobody is perfect! Nobody is perfect!)  You don’t have to pick a savior here; just pick a politician. (Hold your nose; that’s Franklin Graham’s advice.) Vote for the platform that you’ve always supported, regardless of who stands on it. Everybody knows: when some character runs as a Republican, then Conservatish things are bound to happen. Right?  Right! Maybe get that printed on a T-shirt. Furthermore:

James Dobson says Trump is a Christian.

Ted Cruz eventually announced his support of Trump. 

And that’s not all!  This woman and this Millennial and this former-Democrat are voting for him, too.     So–I mean, if Trump is good enough for them, then…

If you’re voting for Hillary, then you’re probably familiar with Rachel Held Evans and Eric Sapp already.  (Boy, those two could sell fleas to a dog, couldn’t they? Such talent!) But, even if you’ve already read these pieces, make sure your friends see them, too. Other people need to know that Hillary is the ONLY choice that is truly justifiable from a Christian perspective:

Sapp argues that Hillary’s email scandal shows what a great person she is.

Evans explain how a Pro-Choice candidate is actually the most Pro-Life candidate.

(Wait, Sapp wrote about Pro-Choice being Pro-Life, too! …just in case you need to hear that perspective several times before it makes a lick of sense.)

Aaaaaaand, if you still don’t feel totally at peace, just repeat “making history” or “First female President” to yourself. Go ahead and have that printed on a T-shirt.

If you’re not voting at all,  here’s your applicable manifesto.


Is everybody set?

Everybody got your T-shirts?



Advice the World Won’t Give you (Part 3)

Dear Children,

Ask questions.

Obviously, “the World” will agree about this, to an extent. You will be encouraged to question religion. Question the Bible. Question everything your dad and I have taught you.

And well you should!

But don’t stop there.

Keep asking those questions, even when the other alleged skeptics start getting uncomfortable. Question your instincts. Question Science.  Question your friends who were taught that they were raised “without religion.”

Question-askers tend to cause a stir–but their curiosity pays off. Every great discovery begins with a really great question. So ask “how” and “why” until everybody is sick of exploring your rabbit holes with you.

Then continue on alone.

You’ll be misunderstood. You’ll be accused of heresy. You’ll be told you’re over-thinking or causing trouble or going insane.

Go ahead and question all of that, too.

You were given a mind to ask questions: to seek, and struggle, and find.

And–when you reach the limit of yourself–when it feels like you’re the only one who has ever stood where you are standing–you’ll discover the territory is NOT uncharted.

You haven’t fallen off the mental map.

You’ll have discovered God.

(But don’t take my word for it.  Ask for yourself!)


Ask questions, and share your discoveries with me…


Your Mama

Advice the World Won’t Give You (Part 2)

Dear Children,

If you have to tell people you are wonderful at something–then, most likely, you’re not.

“I’m a great friend!”

“I’m hard-working.”

“I’m really fun to be around.”

Let other people say those things about you; or let them go without being said at all.

Paying yourself compliments will always be tacky.  That’s just the way it is.

I'm strong.jpg

It may seem as though confident people shout their good qualities to the world because they are strong. But it’s all an act.





They’re trying to convince themselves just as much as they’re trying to convince you.


I’m not sure why I see so many people bragging about themselves on social media, as if no one ever told them how awkward and uncool it is.

But maybe no one ever told them how awkward and uncool it is!

It’s sad that none of their friends or family will warn them when they’re embarrassing themselves…

Their loved ones should say: “Hey, I love you too much to let you post self-glorifying things, because it doesn’t make you look good! Let others praise you. Don’t do it yourself.”

I have manners

My children, be the kind of person who does good, even when you never get any recognition.

I promise, even if no one else EVER tells you how awesome you are–it’s not going to make things better to bring up your awesomeness yourself.

It makes people cringe.

I am awesome


Talking about your own awesomeness makes you slightly less awesome.  And I love you too much to let you embarrass yourself.


Your Mama

Advice the World Won’t Give You (Part 1)

To My Children:

“Hubby” isn’t short for “boyfriend.”

Daughters, if you’re dropping hints to some boy-crush by calling him “hubby,” I’m going to correct you. And, son, if a girl tries to stick the “husband” label on you before it’s official, we’re going to have a talk.

Playing house is fine when you’re in grade school; your mommy happens to love a good theater production.  But “husband” and “wife” are titles with real-world consequences, and they need to be earned.

Too many people try to force the permanence into their dating relationships, without the actual marriage commitment.

You can tell who they are when they say/share nonsense stuff like this:





These words get thrown around so much: love, serious, loyal, “official.” But the whole thing doesn’t need to be complicated. All of these concepts are found in marriage. So, if you’re looking for love, seriousness, loyalty, and something official, then don’t stop until you’ve promoted your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Make the commitment.

Get married.


A “boyfriend” is a boyfriend and a “husband” is a husband.

Don’t get the two confused.


Your Mama