Recently, abortion provider Planned Parenthood came under fire for comments made on video about cutting up unborn humans, in order to preserve the valuable body parts and sell them…
A few Americans are a little upset.
So, like any savvy, consumer-driven business, Planned Parenthood decided to hire a public relations firm, to help them control the damage.
SKDKnickerbocker is no newbie to working on Planned Parenthood issues…
“Planned Parenthood is a longtime client, and we are proud to help them push back against these extremist attacks from people who want to end reproductive health care for women in this country,” a SKDKnickerbocker spokesman said in a statement…
And suddenly, the hashtag #standwithPP popped up on Twitter.
Stand with PP.
That’s not exactly mind-blowing and creative, is it?
Certainly not worth the hundreds of thousands of dollars that get paid to firms like SKDKInckerBocker, in exchange for spraying the proverbial air-freshener when crooked businesses like Planned Parenthood take a crap on morality in the United States.
But then I started thinking:
What other slogan would make baby organ-harvesting sound better???
I mean, Planned Parenthood took a really big crap. Maybe SKD is the best PR firm on the planet–but there’s only so much they can do in this case…
What might that brain-storming session have sounded like?
PP Exec: As you may have seen, a couple of our Higher Ups were caught talking about dismembering human babies, while casually sipping wine, and we’re hoping you can make the public like us again.
SKD Damage Control: Hmmm….yes….generally Americans want their babies dismembered quietly, off-camera. I can see why you need our help.
PP: So what are your thoughts for flipping this in our favor?
SKD: Well–off the top of my head–I’m thinking–
PP: STOP! Even before you continue, maybe we should be careful using phrases like “off the top of my head.” Ya know…it creates images of heads. Head coming off. And…well, you know…
SKD: Ah, yeah, I gotcha. You’re right. When it comes to public relations, you always have to consider the double meanings or unintended visuals. Thanks for getting us in the zone.
PP: No problem.
SKD: So, uh, right off the bat….
(*PP exec nods approvingly*)
SKD: Yes, right off the bat, I’m picturing billboards and fliers around major cities reminding everybody that Planned Parenthood caters to women.
PP: Okay. Yeah, that’s a good place to start, probably… But, we already know what those sticky Baby Lovers are going to say. “Half those fetuses are female” and “abortion hurts women.” Blah blah blah.
SKD: Sure. But with the right spin, we can make it work. What about “Maybe she’s born with it; maybe it’s Planned Parenthood”?
PP: (*short pause*) Are you trying to be funny?
SKD: No, no. Sorry. I was just thinking Maybelline has successfully marketed to women for decades, and it jumped in my head. I apologize. There are always a few clunkers before we hit a good one.
PP: Well, just so we’re clear, it’s probably best to keep the word “born” out of our slogan.
SKD: Definitely. Let’s go a different route altogether. Maybe something to highlight your tireless work in the community? Maybe, “Planned Parenthood: it keeps going and going and going and going”?
PP: (*scratching chin*) Maybe, if people are picturing doctors making house calls in the middle of the night–which we don’t do. But, it may not be such a good visual for the people who know we perform an abortion every 30 seconds. Going and going and going…
SKD: Right, right. And it’s not quite short enough anyway. (*pauses again*) Hey, what if we just embraced your biggest service as your biggest asset? What about “Abortion: I’m Lovin’ It!” ???
PP: Yeah, no. I reeeeeally don’t think that’s the way to go. And I’m hoping the “clunkers” are just about out of your system.
SKD: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll admit, it isn’t easy making the public think positively about what you do. Your company is a little bit despicable.
PP: Excuse me, but you’re supposed to be the best firm in the biz. Now PROVE it by finding a way to sell our brand. Regardless of what WE are selling! Got it?
SKD: (*sighs*) OKAY! Just… Give me a minute. Alright?
(*They sit in silence for a minute or two*)
SKD: Well, Kodak uses “Share moments. Share life.”
SKD: AT&T used “Reach Out and Touch Someone”
SKD: Volkswagon uses “Think Small”
PP: Like small babies?!
SKD: Ugh… (*desperate*) How about “Abortion: Betcha can’t have just one”?
SKD: (*throwing a notepad to the ground*) Yeah, I know, they all suck! But there’s just no way to “brand” what you guys are doing over there! (*frowns and taps fingers thoughtfully*) We’re going to have to be as vague and generic as possible.
PP: I’m still listening…
SKD: I’m thinking very, very, very simple. Maybe “Partner with Planned Parenthood.”
PP: (*slowly*) Well, that’s better. But still I’m not crazy about “PARTner.” Like, parts. Baby parts?
SKD: (*frustrated*) Or, we can try “STAND with PP,” if you like that better.
PP: Yeah. “Stand with PP” may just be unspecific enough.
SKD: Of course, there have been 50 million people since 1972 who never got the chance to “stand”–or even open their eyes–as a result of abortion. But I’m afraid it’s the best we’re going to get.
PP: Sold. It’s official. “Stand with PP” is the safest cover-up we can get.
When you profit from ending lives, it’s hard to make that smell good…
When you profit from ending lives, then #StandwithPP is the best cover up you can afford.
Why keep buying air-freshener, rather than flushing Planned Parenthood’s crap-factory altogether?
(Come play with me on Twitter, using hashtag #RejectedPPslogans.)