One of the things Liberals love to ask–when they learn that you think homosexuality is harmful to individuals and sinful in the eyes of God–is, “WHAT IF YOUR CHILD GROWS UP AND TELLS YOU THEY ARE GAY?!” (My answer to that is here.)
Right on cue, many are using the same angle when speaking about the Duggar case…
They’re speaking a lot about the Duggar daughters and what their father should have done when he discovered the first time that one of his children touched the younger ones inappropriately.
The Liberal Lynch Mob keeps asking: “WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR DAUGHTERS HAD THEIR INNOCENCE VIOLATED?!” So I’ve thought about that. And it’s a horrifying, nightmare-inducing thought.
After the initial shock and denial, I imagine I’d march straight into anger, which seems to be the emotion the critics are spending extra time processing now.
But what about the obvious second half of that question? What if the person causing all of this confusion and anger and pain was another one of your children?
How could that NOT complicate things?
I have a little boy.
Right now, he’s a silly and sweet ball of toddler perfection. We can’t go anywhere without hearing people squeal over his red hair and the dimple on each side of his mouth. He also makes some of the greatest facial expressions I’ve ever seen.
And, you guys, his cheeks… They’re soooo kissable, and they jiggle when he runs.
I’m so in love with this kid.
But I’m intimidated by the future, too. Because I’m a Christian parent who tries to teach her children about sexual purity, and I have a husband who describes the misery of being a hormone-charged boy in the throes of morphing from childhood to manhood.
And I have maybe 10-12 years before this small little boy of mine is expected to wrestle with his body and make decisions that could brand him negatively for the rest of his life.
We know everybody makes mistakes. But what if my baby makes a REALLY BIG one?
What would you do if your son is getting good grades and is basically respectful and talks to you about everything and has a clean record…and suddenly, he gets accused of something REALLY BAD?
What if that boy looks you in the eye, probably with tears, and admits, “Yes, Mom, I did it.” ?
What would YOU do if your baby hurts another of your babies very deeply?
The way people are talking, they act like they’d immediately pick up the phone and call for the cops to take their boy away. They call it a “cover up” to find a good lawyer and research all their options and try to cushion the blow as much as possible.
We also seem to think that–if somebody doesn’t get arrested and/or the case isn’t heard in court–then “justice” wasn’t served. (Of course, we know from experience that even cases that do get heard in court aren’t considered “just” by the Mob, unless there’s an actual CONVICTION.)
But we’re trying to imagine if it were OUR OWN SONS being processed through the system, remember?
I happen to have personal experience with a teenage relative who made a very bad, illegal choice, just a few days before his 18th birthday. And I was going to give a few specifics here–but then I realized it’s not my place to share the details of my brother’s records, especially when they’ve since been destroyed for his protection.
And that’s my main point.
Suffice it to say, if my brother had been one week older when he committed his crime, it would have been a felony. The judge could have thrown the book at him, if he’d wanted. Jail time/community service/heavy fines… the whole nine yards.
But, as it was, the sentence didn’t have to be very specific. My brother’s judge had the freedom to show a little leniency. And, as most judge’s do, he took into account my brother’s past record, whether he appeared sorry, and whether he belonged to a family that would help make sure he didn’t do it again.
And, on his birthday one short week later, it was as if the crime didn’t happen at all.
Did “justice” fail? Did my brother get the message that he was “above the law”?
No. It scared him straight just knowing what could have happened, and he realized how close he came.
THAT’S what I’d hope for, if the Duggars were my kids.
I’d pray like crazy that my boy didn’t ruin his whole life.
I’d pray that he’d only have to experience the smallest consequence necessary to change his behavior. Different kids require different levels of punishment to learn their lesson…but who wants their child to suffer past that point, if he’s the type to only need a close-encounter?
And once my boy showed actual remorse and faithful repentance, all of us would begin the process of healing…
That’s when my prayer would change to begging God for protection from outsiders who would try to open our old wounds and discredit the forgiveness our family practices, by saying we’re not healing the “right way.”
Too many people claim the Duggar’s couldn’t REALLY heal from something like this. And, if the girls think they’ve gotten over it, the only explanation must be they belong to a freaky cult. “They have Stockholm Syndrome” or “their parents made all of them reconcile!”
Many of the loudest voices are survivors of sexual abuse themselves, who insist, “Sexual abuse destroys your WHOLE LIFE!” I suspect they feel uncomfortable when they look at the Duggar family and wonder if maybe that’s not the way it has to be?
So, basically, if Josh’s victims haven’t held a grudge and grown as bitter as the Internet Critics, then there must be something….wrong with their family!
I’d beg God not to allow busybodies like that to get too close to my loved ones while we put our lives back together. Busybodies who don’t understand radical love or the power of God to turn your worst moments into opportunities for strength.
Those people have no business trying to decide whether we’ve healed “correctly” or not…
Anyway, my point is, it’s easy to hold onto your anger for Josh Duggar and criticize the entire family for not casting him away or keeping him at arm’s length for the rest of his life.
It’s easy to do that if you ONLY humanize his sisters and don’t remember that he’s a human, too.
But I try to imagine what his parents must have gone through, when they had to adjudicate between their innocent little girls and the son who, until then, had brought them so much pride.
Their first born.
The one who whose cheeks might have jiggled when he ran.
I think most parents would have done the same thing the Duggar’s did…
…and then they would have prayed for reconciliation/wholeness that was half as good as what the Duggars apparently achieved, before the busybody news media reopened the wound, pitted the children against each other once again, and portrayed their baby as a monster.