Ladies–Own Your Stuff (an Open Letter from the Cranky Matron)

Okay, okay, I guess I’ll jump into the Yoga Pants debate.

If you’ve been in a coma and missed the news, let me break it to you. A Christian woman named Veronica Partridge decided to stop wearing leggings in the name of modesty, which ultimately broke the internet.

Again, if you missed it, things really picked up steam when feminist-leaning magazine, Huffington Post, completely missed the point and declared, “JESUS LOVES MY YOGA PANTS!”

…and the conversation just grew more divided and loud from there,  with most people believing either, “Veronica Partridge needs to run for President” OR “Veronica Partridge says rape is the woman’s fault.”  (I mean, really, how could you fall in-between?)

But, the vast majority of posts being “shared” in my social media newsfeeds are ones from the “Man’s Perspective.” (Like this. And this.)

Seriously, we just LOVE to hear what men have to say about a man’s responsibility to not lust…

…which wouldn’t necessarily be comment-worthy, except the vast majority of the people “sharing” and “liking” those posts are women.

Yes, we WOMEN want to offer our hearty “Amen” every time a man takes blame for something.

“That’s right!” we shriek. “Own your stuff!”  

And we feel vindication because–just as we suspected–we’ve done nothing wrong.  

Over time, the more we praise men for taking responsibility not to lust, the more we convince ourselves that ‘modesty’ is just an outdated, prudish word our grandmothers used during the era of Sexual Repression…

And that’s why I decided to let the Cranky Matron have a few words.

Just a couple days ago, I read this article on Brant Hansen’s blog, written by the Krusty Sage.  Please click that link right now, and read a couple of paragraphs.

I’ll wait…

Did you click it?…

(*sigh)  You guys never listen to me.

Anyway, the Krusty Sage takes over Brant’s blog from time to time, and most recently, he talked about Yoga Pants. Here’s what he says to the guys:

“Let’s talk to guys, only. Let’s have a little quiz:

When you lust after a woman who’s wearing yoga pants, whose fault is it?

A. It’s 100% her fault.

B. It’s mostly her fault, but some your fault.

C. It’s mostly your fault, but it’s her fault, too.

D. It’s 100% your fault.

Now, check your papers. If you didn’t say “D”…  you’re kidding yourself.

Yeah. Seriously. It’s your fault…

Should women dress more modestly? That’s a fair issue… for women. They can certainly talk about what maturity means, and encourage each other. But I’m not talking to women, here.

Guys, you are responsible for you…

Yes, this is incredibly difficult. Yes, it’s a universal problem for humans. I don’t know a man who hasn’t struggled with it. Yes, our culture worships sex. Right.

But let’s own our stuff. That’s all.”

So, the Krusty Sage hammered home for the men that they have certain social responsibilities. And that’s fine–because he’s a man.

But now I–the Cranky Matron–am going to pick up where he left off, in Titus 2:3 fashion, by saying:

“Ladies, own your stuff, too.”

Stop hijacking articles written to teach/encourage men and twisting them into an excuse to be as disrespectful and inconsiderate as you want. 

Stop pretending like you don’t know when you look good…and like you don’t enjoy it a little too much sometimes. 

Stop pretending like Lust is still an issue, but the need for Modesty isn’t.

Men in the church aren’t allowed to talk about this, because they’ll be shouted down by feminists screaming, “Rape isn’t a woman’s fault.”

But, we’re not talking about rape here.

And I’m not even talking about Yoga Pants.  Not really.

I–the Cranky Matron–am talking to you ladies about your heart, which is where real humility and modesty lie. 

You want to know something ironic?  You can tell a lot about a person’s heart judging solely by their reaction to the Yoga Pants Debate. On one hand, there are women who say, “Wow! I never thought about how my tight rear-end might draw the wrong kind of attention. I’ll keep that in mind!”

And, on the other hand, some women recoil with a sharp, “Don’t blame YOUR problems on ME, pervert!”

It would be as if a man and woman crashed into each other in the grocery store, and the man said, “I’m sorry! That was totally my fault!”  and the woman said, “You bet it was, Buddy!” before walking away.

Our culture has almost completely swallowed the lie that “Lust and Modesty” must be either 100% a man’s responsibility or 100% a woman’s…and if we need to pick one, then we’ll let the men “own it.”

Many women in the United States have gotten very good at seeing every cultural disagreement through the most narrow, self-centered lens possible.

It’s why I can’t stand most conversations about bikinis or leggings.

It’s why I close my computer or walk out of the room whenever a breastfeeding member of the Milk Mafia complains about having to cover in public.

Women actually, seriously, say things like, “If you don’t like it, don’t look!”

Or, “What I wear/do/say is none of your business.”

Or, “You should cover YOUR EYES instead of expecting me to cover MY BOOBS.”

And we seem completely unaware that those attitudes show off precisely the ugly, provocative, and immodest hearts a Christian is trying to learn how to cover up!

As I–the Cranky Matron–wind to a close, let me just clear up any confusion.  I have been talking to the ladies here.   If you are a man tempted to share this post as a way to passive-aggressively say “TOLD YA!” to a woman who you find slutty, then you’ve missed the point.

Scroll back up and read the Krusty Sage’s post, if you want a reminder of your own responsibility.

This letter is for YOU, Ladies.

Own YOUR stuff.

With Great Love and Affection,

-The Cranky Matron

3 thoughts on “Ladies–Own Your Stuff (an Open Letter from the Cranky Matron)

  1. Jacob

    Thanks for this Post, Amanda. One of the things that bothers me about mainstream Christianity is it feels like men and women are unequally yoked. Men’s conferences/retreats usually have a boot camp/man up! theme while women’s seem to be more in You Go Girl!/”don’t forget how awesome you are”, direction. I don’t have a problem with churches having high expectations for men but I’d like to see some of that burden of performance placed on the strong, capable shoulders of our Sisters in Christ. Let’s give them standards and expectations to aspire and live up to. Christian women are happy to remind men that they are to love their wives but I’d like to ask these women if they are lovable?; Are they making it easy or difficult for their husbands to love them? Are they respecting their husbands? Respecting him as a man? Are they being submissive and honoring his God ordained role as head of the home? Let’s hold men and women to high standards of Christlikeness.


    1. mrsmcmommy Post author

      Yep. It’s a tough balance to strike sometimes.

      I’m not exactly sure which “group” dropped the ball first–but there is a spinning effect that happens when men abandon their leadership roles, and women start trying to take over. Women will say they’re picking up the slack where the men gave up–but, the truth is, sometimes we just think we know better and do better, so we kick them out.

      The majority of people at church these days are women with their children, while far too many men stay at home. Many of the men are perfectly happy to let their wives take over the “spiritual leadership,” and the dirty truth is: lots of women kind of ENJOY patting themselves on the back for doing what their so-called deadbeat partner won’t.

      Anyway, as with all church/family problems, there’s no simple solution.


  2. Jasmine Ruigrok

    Well said. There is responsibility on both sides. I hate both the guys’ articles that beg women to cover up because they’re so weak and helpless, but I also can’t stand the women’s articles telling guys to get over it, we can do what we want and you shouldn’t stop us. Of course, there’s people at different points in the journey and at different levels of understanding. But I’m done getting caught up in debates about whether I’m a stumbling block in jeans and a tshirt.

    Liked by 1 person


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