A Helpful Summary for Pastors on their Many Shortcomings

Dear Pastors,

We write about you a lot.

And it occurred to me how overwhelmed you might feel, trying to keep up with all the expectations being listed for you by strangers all over the Internet. So, rather than forcing you to do all the research in order to understand your job (and “meet needs” better) I’ve compiled the main bullets here.

You’re quite welcome!

We, the flock, ask that you please:

-Be less seeker-friendly.

-Or, be more seeker-friendly–if that seeker is a witch.

-Give acknowledgement to non-mothers on Mother’s Day.

Change the men, because this will change the whole Church.

-Reach and influence people, without offending them.

-Practice these twelve things. (Including, “speak the truth,” “stop comparing,” and “be humble”…)

-Continue caring for yourself spiritually and avoid burnout.

-Give more attention to marriage counseling. (“Divorce is not the answer.”)

-Give more attention to suicide counseling.

-Give more attention to counseling the mentally ill.

-Give more attention to counseling the domestically abused.

-Give more attention to apologetics.

-Help us (the sheep) develop deeper relationships with each other.

-Be available. Be genuine. Be positive. Be respectable.  Be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, and self-controlled. Be aware of the personal struggles/stories of everybody in the congregation.

Aaaaaand, please be brief.  We have reservations for lunch.


You’ll notice I didn’t cover how to treat the LGBT community, or how to satisfy the Millennials, or how to increase attendance–but if you get busy applying these pieces of advice, most of that stuff should happen naturally. At least, I assume it will.  (Fix the head, and the rest of the body follows, right?)

On the other hand, if you’re thinking all of this looks like too much to expect out of one person, perhaps the Church needs to brainstorm a little harder…deeper.  Perhaps we need to re-examine the very purpose of the Pastor’s role.

With sincere respect and sympathy,


1 thought on “A Helpful Summary for Pastors on their Many Shortcomings

  1. Pingback: It Starts At Home | Cultures at War

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