Viewer Discretion is Advised

The True Story of Noah

I found this helpful viewers guide (click to enlarge) on Facebook a couple days before watching the new Noah movie. Based on the comments, I believe it helped a lot of people decide whether or not to see the film.

So, in the name of further helpfulness, I’ve created a similar bullet list to give you the heads-up on another story which supposedly was based on the Bible, but clearly missed the mark (as you’ll see). Maybe you’ll think twice before supporting this with your money…

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Jonah–The True Story
Jonah

1. There was no caterpillar traveling with Jonah

2. Jonah didn’t talk to his map and scrolls while deducing his mission to Nineveh. “The word of the Lord came” to him. It just came!  I mean, if that’s not clear…

3. There were no gospel-singing angels in the belly of the fish.

4.  Notice above: FISH…not “WHALE.” Open your Bibles, people!

5. God never would threaten to decimate an entire city just because they slap each other with fish. That makes him sound merciless and a little bit petty.

6. The sailors who brought Jonah to Nineveh did not go into the city with him–and nobody was taken prisoner before Jonah got the chance to preach.

7. Jonah’s job was to give Ninevites the chance to be forgiven, and he understood that from the beginning. God told him exactly what would happen–plus how and WHY. He likes connecting all the dots for humans, so they don’t feel too in-the-dark or out-of-control.

8. A worm ate Jonah’s shade-tree, not a caterpillar. (See point #1)

9. Talking vegetables don’t exist.

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Share this with your friends, so they understand that VeggieTales fictionalized the story of Jonah. Their salvation may depend on it.

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Viewer Discretion is Advised

  1. K

    Funny! But the main difference between those two movies is that I’ll always trust carrots and asparagus over Russell Crowe when it comes to their Bible storytelling ability!

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  2. Bill McClure

    That is simply beautiful. Eveyone knows those “Weird Christians” and if they don’t it’s because the “weird Christian” is them. 🙂

    Like

    Reply

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