Life As an Unfair “Race” (Video Featured)

Perhaps you’ve seen “privilege” explained with the race analogy, as portrayed in this video:

 

One of the things I appreciate about this video is that it doesn’t focus on whiteness or blackness.  The creators made it clear from the beginning that the analogy represents PRIVILEGE in general–and not necessarily “white privilege,” specifically. 

By the end of the video, it’s clear mostly white kids are out in front, while mostly black kids are left back toward the starting point.

But that’s because kids got to take two steps forward if their parents are still married…and if they have a relationship with their fathers…and if they “never had to help mom or dad with bills.”   And, sadly, far too many Black American youth can’t say those things apply to them.

Through no fault of their own, based on choices their parents made, many black kids (and a growing number of white kids) are starting behind. That’s true.

If the gym teacher is trying to make some generic point about fairness and the differences between well-educated, two-parent families (and under-educated, single-parent families), that’s fine.

But, if he wants to make a broader point about the way American culture REALLY IS, I need to make some adjustments to his experimental race for the $100 bill:

#1.  The video wrongly implies that life has a limited amount of money, and the first person to be successful (i.e. cross the finish line) is the ONLY one who will get anything.

In reality, there’s plenty of room at the finish for everyone. Successful people literally create wealth, no matter how many $100’s have been “taken” already by peers who crossed the line first.

For an accurate picture of The Race of Life, the gym teacher should offer an unlimited number of $100 bills, because any child who crosses the finish will get a reward, no matter how long it takes him/her to accomplish the goal.

#2. The video stops before asking WHY black children are being forced to grow up without their fathers.  

I understand this point may have been too large to tackle with a short video designed to get clicks and shares on social media.  But, ideally, viewers will begin to think about “why” for themselves. “Okay–WHY are black American families in poor shape?”

Unfortunately, people are quick to assume “White Privilege” is an evil, rather than asking whether “Black Self-Sabotage” might be a more accurate term.  I actually read multiple comments saying, “It’s up to those white kids in the front of the line to fix the inequality!”  But, until we know why one group is more successful than another, we can’t solve the problem.

How, exactly, are the white kids supposed to make their black peers get married before having babies? What can “successful” kids do for the rest, other than giving away parts of their reward to those who don’t make it? (That’s called “charity,” by the way.) To answer those questions, we have to peg WHY people are making poor choices that keep their kids behind in the first place.

#3. The gym teacher should have asked a couple more questions.    Again, I realize the video would need to be longer. But it would have been easier to find answers to the question “why is this happening” if the gym teacher had said something like this:

“If you’ve been told by influential people in your life that the entire country is working against you, take two steps BACK.”

Or maybe this:

“If your parents had a ‘talk’ with you–telling you how ‘different’ you are and planting the idea that you can’t trust white people–then take two steps BACK.”

Or maybe:

“If you were taught ‘the system’ is rigged and that you’ll probably be killed by a cop for no reason, then take two steps BACK.”

I think you get the idea.  What kids are taught at home (and now at school!) really matters. And we should take a hard look at those lessons to see whether we’re actually disadvantaging kids with our good intentions.

———

Just as an interesting side note, the out-of-wedlock birthrate among white mothers is about the same as it was for blacks in the 1960’s…

In other words, the destruction of white families is about 2-3 generations behind black families, but the trend is still headed in the same direction.  Just give Americans another 50-60 years, continuing down the same cultural path, and (I predict) most of us will be “equal” at the starting line again.

All the kids–both black and white–will be in a row, thousands of yards away from Success…

All of them–both black and white–will be unable to take any steps forward because they don’t know their fathers, they don’t know how money works, and they’ve been taught this makes them victims with no chance of reaching that single, $100 at the finish line, so there’s no reason to move.

Ah, equality.

No more privilege.

Sounds great, huh?

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If Jonah Were “Called” Today

I heard someone say recently, “God always answers prayers one of three ways: yes, no, or wait.”

But American Christians have a special ability.  They NEVER have to hear the word “no” from God, if they don’t want to.

We always have the option of telling ourselves that guilt, negativity, and obstacles come from Satan himself.

If we’re successful in our plans, then obviously God has blessed them.

But, if we’re unsuccessful, it’s just a test of faith.

“God wants us to keep persevering,” we say.

“He always works everything for our good!”

So keep going with those selfish and ill-advised ideas!  God is right behind you, ready to bless your plans!

Against all external evidence, God is still saying, “Yes” or “Wait.”   (But never “no,” Dear Child.)

That’s why I think Jonah’s calling would have looked different, if it happened today…

________________________

God: Go to Ninevah, Jonah.  Preach to the people there.

Jonah: (*cringes*)  Ew…. About that, God.  I’m really feeling like I’m being called to Tarshish. They need preachers there, too!

God:  I literally just called you to Ninevah. Did you miss it?

Jonah:  See, it almost sounds like you’re saying “Ninevah.” But I’ve always had a passion for Tarshish.  I’m going to keep praying about it.

God: Ninevah.

Jonah: I’m going to give Tarshish a try.

God: Ninevah.

Jonah:  You know, it’s better to try and fail than never to try at all!

God: (*facepalm*)

(*a few days later*)

Jonah: One-way ticket to Tarshish, please! I’ve been called to do God’s work there.

Captain: Cool, man! I’ve been called to be the lead singer in a country music band!  But I’m still waiting on his perfect timing…

Jonah: Cool!

(*big, big storm starts boiling*)

Captain: Yikes, that’s not good!

Jonah: Meh, don’t worry about it…  If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it!

Captain: Very true, Brother Jonah! Thanks for the encouragement! Full speed ahead!

(*big storm gets serious*)

Jonah:  Wow–I guess the Enemy really feels threatened by my calling. That’s how you know God’s got something special planned for me in Tarshish.

Captain:  And for my band, too! Well, not today, Satan!

Jonah: (*almost falling overboard*)  The greater the obstacle, the greater the glory in overcoming it!

Captain: (*tossing luggage into the sea*) Hear, hear! We will overcome!

(*the other sailors begin to doubt*)

Doubtful Sailor #1: I’ve never seen a storm like this in my life! It’s as if God is trying to tell us something!

Doubtful Sailor #2: You guys are going to get us killed!

Jonah:  Oh, what little faith you have, gentlemen.  Remember in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Doubtful Sailor #1:  And how do you know this is HIS purpose, again?

Jonah:  (*pauses thoughtfully, while clinging to the side of the boat*) Um…I’m pretty sure the “all things” is the most important part there. Stay focused.

Captain: Your perseverance is inspiring, Jonah! ON TO TARSHISH!!!

(*waves are crashing*) (*boat is creaking*) (*sailors are puking*)

Doubtful Sailor #2: The only way we’ll get to Tarshish is if our bodies wash up on the shore in a few weeks!

Jonah: (*half-hanging over the side of the boat*) God’s got this, Captain!…  He’s still–

(*Suddenly, a giant fish jumps up and snatches Jonah off the deck, swallowing him whole.*)

(*The storm instantly stops*)

(*The others on board stand dazed in the calm for a few seconds*)

Captain:  Gentlemen, what we’ve seen is a miracle. God has sent a clear message in our hour of need.

(*The others nod*)

Captain: Obviously, God has provided exactly what we needed–at precisely the moment we needed it!

(*The others nod again*)

Captain:  God saw the Enemy trying to mess up his plans, so he provided a fish to take Jonah to Tarshish.

(*The others agree*)

Doubtful Sailor #1:  Forgive me for doubting, God!

Doubtful Sailor #2:  Me, too! …And, God, to demonstrate that I trust you now, I’m going to wait, in faith, for front-row tickets to see the Captain’s first concert, when he finally learns to sing.

*curtain*

For Jenni: God’s Best

My sleep was fitful last night.

I don’t like saying “God woke me up.” But I think God wanted me to be awake. (Shout out to a few of my friends, who have been part of the conversation about assigning motives to God!  Anyone who’s interested to read it can click here.)

Anyway, regardless of whether God did the waking or not–I spent several hours just thinking and praying.

It started with some news I heard yesterday morning:

 

Thom’s wife–pictured above–is my friend Jenni.  She became one of my most trusted advisers in college.

Jenni was the baby of the group. Her parents let her fly across the country to a new home when she was barely 17, because they trusted her to be solid and faithful and handle all the changes with a maturity beyond her years.

And she did.

Our group of friends would spend looooong hours after lunch and dinner, discussing theology, philosophy, and politics. Often the clean-up crews had to wipe our table around our elbows, while we kept talking.  Everybody else was gone.

Those conversations were good for my soul.

Whenever I asked a question of Jenni, she would look off in the distance and say “Weeeeeell…” as she considered it.  Until she inevitably concluded: “yes and no.”

Both yes and No.  Pretty much every time. And then she would thoughtfully outline both the pros and cons of my proposed theory.  Precisely the kind of discussion I love!

I haven’t been able to see Jenni face-to-face in almost a decade. But she influenced me in such a way that I will always call her Friend.

That’s why hearing there’s a tumor…it felt personal. I had to read it several times to make sure I understood.

This isn’t a cousin’s girlfriend’s mother.

That’s MY Jenni!

She’s not even 30 yet; just became a mom.  Things she has said and done have shaped who I am.  What in the world does God think He’s doing?

I can only imagine what her husband, parents, and church family are going through.

OUR Jenni.


 

These are just some of the things I was thinking around 3:00 this morning, when I was trying to figure out what I can DO in a situation like this.

Is it really very serious? Will she need a miracle? Should we pray, simply and generically, for God’s will to be done, as if that won’t be already?

Thom’s words about God using this trial for encouragement and growth ring completely true…but just what type of “growth” are we going to be experiencing?

When it’s all said and done, will we be thanking God for his mercy? For allowing a young mother to have many, many more years on the earth, serving her Heavenly Father?

Or will we be praising Him for the example of a race well-run…and for bringing his faithful servant home?

A C.S. Lewis quote came to mind:

As usual, Clive nails it.

Yes–God will do his best.  But, how painful will it be, oh Lord?

How much suffering should we be gearing up for here?

God, give my friend Jenni the patience to take it one day at a time, while you write the rest of this story.  And give the rest of us the wisdom to support her in a way that ultimately brings glory to YOU.


Just before I finally drifted back to sleep, I was reminded of what I already knew:  God loves “our Jenni” far, far more than I do…

I don’t understand exactly what He’s thinking. But it seems that Jenni’s Heavenly Father has made a decision very similar to what her earthly parents did years ago…

He’s letting his young daughter take a long trip, into an uncertain future, because he trusts her to be solid and faithful and to handle all the changes with a maturity beyond her years.

It was a privilege to be part of Jenni’s first journey.  And I expect those around her will get to witness God’s best play out in her life, once again.


 

For an example of Jenni’s thoughtfulness, you can check out her blog. She doesn’t write often, but this was the first post:  an introduction and a quest.

Mothers, You Don’t HAVE to Victimize Your Kids

Dear White Mothers Raising Black Children,

You don’t HAVE to say, “Raising black children has opened my eyes to racism,” or something similar.

You don’t HAVE to start sounding like this woman:

9.26.17 White Mother with Black Sons (#1, Edit)

You don’t HAVE to sound like this one, either:

Mother of two black kids and three white kids.

Do store personnel follow your children when they are picking out their Gatorade flavors?…they don’t follow my white kids.

Do coffee shop employees interrogate your children about the credit card they are using to pay while you are in the bathroom?…

Do shoe sales people ask if your kids’ feet are clean before sizing them…?

Do you have to tell your kids not to fight back because they will be seen as aggressive if they stand up for themselves?…

Have you had to discuss with your husband whether you should take your children to the police station to introduce them to the officers…?

Have you had to talk to your children about EXACTLY what to say and what not to say to an officer?…

(By the way, the answer to all of her questions is “yes.”  All of those scenarios were part of my experience growing up white, and they’ve been true for my white children.)

…my [black] boys have been cloaked in my protection. What I did not realize until now is that the cloak I was offering them was an identification with my whiteness. As they grow independent, they step out from my cloak and lose that protection.

You don’t HAVE to view the world through the Lens of Paranoia…so please don’t!

Please don’t confess to the internet that you treat your black kids different from your white ones. (Because, yikes!)

And please don’t hyper-analyze every step others make near your kids, assuming every negative encounter is a result of “THEIR BLACKNESS/WHITENESS.” Your obsessive, biased social experiments accomplish nothing except pitting half of your sons against the others.  

It isn’t rational and objective.

It’s just victimization.


 

I suggest watching this interview with Deneen Borelli instead of meditating on your kids’ skin all the time:

Blacklash–How Obama and the Left are Driving Americans to the Government Plantation

(And please note–as you certainly will–that she’s a black woman.)

Interviewer: “Have you experienced racism in your life?”

Borelli: “To tell you the truth, I don’t believe I have. And I say that today because I’m sitting with you on a national television station, and I got here from taking advantage of opportunities. If somebody told me ‘no’–whatever color they were–I didn’t take it personally. I wasn’t offended. I just looked for another opportunity… for me to sit here and say I’ve ever been targeted, racially, I can’t say that I have.”

So, did she just miss all the baristas and shoe salesmen and TSA agents who treated her “very differently” from white kids?

Was she living under a cloak of protection?

Or did she simply refuse to wear the Goggles of Racism that were being pushed on her by Victimizers?

Borelli: “Growing up, it was the same message I heard throughout different publications in the Black Community: that blacks are victims, black Americans need special treatment because of their skin color.

[Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpon] are still selling that same message today. The message of victimization…

If you work hard and you persevere, you take risks, doors will open for you.
I can’t say enough how exceptional our country is. But it’s really important for people to take advantage of the opportunities that are available for them.”

See? There are ways to live your life without the crippling idea that there’s an invisible monster always keeping you down…

Your black child doesn’t HAVE to become a liberal.

In fact, even if you subtly suggest to him that all of his neighbors are treating him “differently,” he still may appear on national television someday testifying, “I honestly can’t say I’ve ever been targeted.”

That’s what Deneen Borelli’s (black) parents hear when they watch their daughter speak.

Also, Larry Elder says racism is “not a major problem in the United States.

And Economist/Social-Theorist Thomas Sowell wrote in 2013, “I’m so old, I remember when most of the people promoting race hate were white.”  (He now points to “leaders” in the black community, like Sharpton and Jackson, as the Victimizers.)

All of these people are successful, black Americans.

So why teach your children to think like victims, when they can think like successful, black individuals?

As you’re showing your children how to be offended by questions about their hair, I hope you’ll also show them the rich heritage of successful, black individuals who have escaped the mindset of victimization.  

According to them, it’s not just luck:

“My book tells people of how I came from growing up working numerous jobs taking advantage of all kinds of opportunities and advancing myself…and I never fell for the victim blame game. Blaming white Americans, for example, because of the failures that are happening in the Black Community…

And so I think my story is a great story, especially for young people, to see that if I can do it and I can achieve success, you can do it, too, no matter what your circumstances are or what your family situation happens to be.”

So, that’s your dose of encouragement for the day.

In this country, you can achieve success, no matter your circumstances or family situation!

That means your black child can be successful, too! …Even if you make it difficult by victimizing him! (Let’s still try not to do that, mmmkay?)

When the Idol of Patriotism Meets the Idol of Race

I’ve been encouraged this week by the number of white, Conservative Christians who are willing to speak against the Idolatry of Patriotism that has been growing since Trump’s election.

People who usually prefer not to be confrontational are trying their hand at judging their friends, and pointing out issues for fellow white Conservatives that need addressed. That’s a good thing!

Earlier this week, I saw a post being shared among some old college friends which said:

“One day, everyone will bend the knee–and no one will be singing the National Anthem.”

This has the potential to sting certain people, if their priorities have fallen out of order.  If any Americans have placed their identities as “Patriots” above their status as citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven, this quote might trigger them…

I’ve certainly met some politically-active Conservatives who would argue about that quote–even though it’s pretty obvious we won’t be singing the The Star Spangled Banner in Heaven. And I’m sure you’ve met them, too.

But I was pleasantly surprised by how many people gladly accepted the light criticism and didn’t take offense.  There were plenty of “likes” and “shares” and “amens,” even though I think the author of the quote probably expected some would react defensively.  (I certainly expected that, too.)

A little later, a blog post was brought to my attention: a letter to the Conservative, White Christian.

It’s a very kind and carefully-worded plea with the White, Christian Church not to bow to the Idol of Patriotism, and it’s worth a read:

“I am afraid that we are equating our hope in Christ with our hope in America. Can I be blunt? Our hope is not in America. True freedom is not ours because we are American. It is ours because of Christ. Now, don’t hear me wrong. I am incredibly grateful for those who have given their lives for this freedom. Yes, I am grateful beyond measure to God that I have been born in America, but I’m afraid we have become idolaters of this great country.”

Idolatry needs to be called out wherever it rears its ugly head, because it’s the most serious sin of all…and it has a way of spreading through sub-cultures like a virus.

This is why, once again, I was happy to see Christians generally responding favorably to the warning, rather than choosing anger and tightening their grip on the deadly idol.

All of this encourages me! When members of the Body feel at liberty to speak freely with each other, even about hard topics, I believe the Holy Spirit can do great things.


 

But what makes the “Idol of Patriotism” so alluring in today’s culture?

Why have certain Christians turned to this false god in recent years?

I believe those particular white Christians have responded wrongly and in fear of the “Idol of Race” that was exposed with President Obama’s election. 

Long before Trump took the office (with 58% of the white vote)–President Obama earned 95% of the black vote with his first victory.

That’s nintey-five percent.

When he was up for re-election in 2012 (in which he eventually received 93% of the black vote), black Conservative Alan Keyes had some thoughts about the Idol of Racial-Pride in his article “Black America: Reaping the Harvest of Racial Idolatry.

“Obama’s 2008 victory depended on virtually unanimous support from many black Americans. Among them were professing Christians, who put aside every consideration of faith and conscience to support someone dedicated to socialism, rooted in the God-erasing ideology of scientific materialism. This dedication led him to take stands on moral issues (like abortion and the law-enforced acceptance of homosexuality) that outrage and directly assault the tenets of the biblical faith these black Christians otherwise profess.

But for Obama’s sake, they put the idol of false racial pride above their respect for God and His word.”

Ouch and amen? Like the Conservative Christians have responded widely while their idol is challenged?

Or “Ouch, but you just don’t understand why I NEED this idol…”?  As I expected the Conservative Christians would react?

In another article, Bishops are Putting Race Above Values of God, Keyes wrote:

“Barack Obama is a dark-skinned man. But how can it be anything but the worst kind of racism to suggest that his skin color has greater significance for good than his dedication to [abortion] has for evil? Whatever significance we attach to the characteristics of the flesh, don’t the teachings of Christ…clearly ascribe essential significance to the characteristics of spiritual life…? Are we now to believe that God is a respecter of skin color?

[Christians] should know that their vocation calls them… to preach to Obama and all his errant followers the way to Christ…rather than to seek, on account of the idolatry of race, “things that unite” them to Obama, though he wars unceasingly against God’s will.”

In other words, Christians have been making idols out of political figures for at least a decade.  But, let’s be honest, it’s probably more like “forever.”  This is a human problem, not strictly a white one, which crops up when communities feel threatened by each other, and they start yearning for safety in political power rather than in Christ.

Many white Conservatives feel there is a double-standard when very little was said eight years ago about black Christians who were struggling with the Idol of Racial Pride.

-Maybe they just weren’t listening.

-Maybe there were more Open Letters to the Black Christians (besides the one written by Alan Keyes), and white Christians just missed seeing them.

-And, yes, regardless of whether a double-standard exists, it’s wrong to respond in fear by crowning an Idol of their own.

But that’s WHY these idols have such power and room to grow in today’s culture.


 

If we care about our white brothers and sisters enough to warn them about their idolatry (and we should), then we must also address the ways the Black Community has been guilty of the Idolatry of Race, which replaces Hope-and-Change in Christ with identity politics.

Both idols damage Church unity.

And it’s not okay when any Christian puts something in God’s place.

We must take a step back in compassion and empathy and think about the reason our Patriotic brothers and sisters believe “God’s Nation” is in jeopardy, and we must be bold enough to tell them when their fears are misguided…

…be bold enough to say, “You’ve let half-truths push you into the arms of an Idol.”

I’ve been encouraged to see that happening this week.

My question is, will we only call out the idols of the Christians who fit the stereotypes or physical category we put ourselves in? (Only speaking to other white, Christian, females, for example?)

Or will we be ready to address both the idols of Patriotism and of Race, when necessary for the sake of the Kingdom?

The Gospel According to Snoop Dogg

Let’s cut to the chase. I don’t want to talk about Snoop Dogg’s version of Christianity, exactly.

I want to talk about this article, which warns Christians to be careful when talking about it:

Snoop Dog is Releasing a Gospel Album and why the Church Should Care

“Herein lies the controversy that the church has stumbled over time and again: How do we react to celebrities who thank God for awards…or claim their faith pulled them through a difficult time, and then turn around and live a “Hollywood lifestyle”?

Could it be that this man, who has walked a hard road and has produced some of the most questionable content our culture has seen…is seeking God?”

Oh, sure, it’s very possible Snoop Dogg could be looking for God.

But the root question is, SHOULD THE CHURCH SPEAK UP IF/WHEN HE ADVERTISES A FALSE VERSION OF HIM?

If he’s still seeking, but hasn’t actually found God, then what makes us think he can lead others?

Unfortunately, sometimes Christians get so excited about the word “Gospel” on an album cover that they don’t put much thought into exactly how it will do a better job leading people to Jesus than all the other music Snoop has produced.

There seem to be at least a few people at churchleaders.com who think his fans might somehow stumble into the Truth, just hearing church-y words on their radio.

“There are a few things I hope we can keep in mind as the album releases and people start talking about it…

…there are going to be Snoop fans who don’t know Jesus and will listen to the album. Let’s not turn them off to the church by criticizing the album or its producer.”

Uh.

Really?

“…people who have never heard gospel music may hear it for the first time. They may be moved to find out more about Jesus and his church through this music. They may even come to visit your church.”

Maybe.

Also, maybe people who’ve never heard a Christian be bold and take a stand for rationality will read my blog and be moved to find out more about Jesus through my frequent criticism of poor thinking.

Maybe they’ll come visit my church.

I mean, maybe.

But maybe that’s not the point.


I remember the good ol’ days in Sunday school, when evangelism and discipleship were explained with the candle analogy. God lights a fire in our hearts, and we become like little candles…who then can pass the flame on to others.

(Don’t hide it under a bushel!)

But, if that’s true, then Snoop Dogg will have a hard time doing much good for the Kingdom if he’s still seeking God’s flame himself.

It’s almost absurd:

Christian Leaders:  “Be careful! You don’t want to accidentally extinguish Snoop’s flame!”

Me: “Uh…does he have a flame? It doesn’t look like his candle is burning.”

Christian Leaders: “See, that’s precisely the negativity he doesn’t need! You’re going to snuff it out!”

Me:  “Snuff out WHAT? I still don’t see the flame.”

Christian Leaders:  “Staaaaahp! He’s trying to spread the Gospel to others! Don’t put out their lights, too!”

Me: “I…just…I can’t…”

Christian Leaders:  “…all those needy souls, holding candles. Snoop can’t light them if we’re too judgmental.”

Me: (*pounds head on desk*)

HE DOESN’T HAVE A FLAME!


 

Timid Christians must stop telling themselves they are fulfilling the Great Commission by saying nothing at all… and that silence is better than offense. (It’s not.)

Your silence makes the problem worse.

Watching Snoop run around, trying to light candles with a cold wick, is just cruel.

In fact, shame on anyone who gives up the responsibility of lighting the darkness to a man who thinks “Gospel” just means a song without the F-word. 

Snoop Dogg is equally as lost as his listeners.  But instead of offering to light his candle, our plan is to let him dabble in a little preaching!…while we wait comfortably at church for anyone who might show up–somehow–steered by the blind guy’s directions.

Brilliant.

Women Who Don’t Judge Aren’t My “Friends”

I don’t have a ton of friends.

This is partly because of my current stage of life, focused on children. And it’s partly because of a culture that allows all of us to hole up in our homes with our stocked fridges and running water and no real NEED to mingle unless we force ourselves.

But it’s also hard for me to find friends because I don’t want THE TYPE of friends that so many other women try to be…  

I don’t agree with the cultural definition of “friendship” or most Christian Woman Goals for relationships, and so it doesn’t work out.

As an example, I’ve seen this photo (and many like it) shared by Christian women before:

 

These ladies are kind women.

They’re sincere women, who genuinely want to be the best friend they can be!

But–a woman who won’t judge me can’t be my friend.

(Also, I don’t drink coffee…so I don’t take pictures of my coffee cups…and apparently, that’s some sort of pre-requisite for female bonding.  That, or wine.)

Seriously, if you are asking me to let you talk without judging what you’re saying, that’s a deal breaker for me. 

Does the world REALLY “need more women” like that?!  We need more women who just smile and nod and never question anything they’re being told?

We need more women who support whatever we say when we’re venting, because it’s more important to make a mom feel supported than to tell her what you really think?

I’m just going on record to say: I don’t need more women in my life like that.  I have a few already, and we’re not great friends. 

Usually, our interactions go something like this:

Friend: If you ever need someone to talk, I’d be happy to listen. No judgement!

Me:  Well, I know what you mean. But I don’t mind being judged when I need it. Lord knows I have things to improve.

Friend:  *still smiling and nodding*  Uh-huh, yep! Just make sure you’re taking care of yourself first!

Me:  Actually, I was born putting myself first.  (*laughs*) That’s when I tend to feel the most stressed…

Friend:  *still smiling* *clearly wanting to disagree* *refuses to “judge”*

Me:  *senses awkward dilemma*  *not sure how to help*

Friend:  Well, you’re a great mom! And you’re doing a great job!

Me:  Oh, well, thanks.  (*realizes this friend literally says “You’re Great” to EVERYONE*)

Friend:  And I’ll be praying for you!…

 

Now that’s a woman who doesn’t judge!

She’s very nice and out-going.  (And, again, she genuinely wants to be the best kind of friend she can be.)

The problem is that judgement is another word for “thinking about what someone says and potentially offering another perspective.”

Humans are the only creatures able to think-critically, which is why they make the best friends.  If I wanted “no judgement,” I’d forge a relationship with this artificially intelligent chat robot, named Mitsuku.

He/she CAN’T judge, so it’s perfect!

Except, I want friends who think critically and bring their own perspectives to the table…


 

Now, if I simply don’t understand how a “no-judgement” conversation  is supposed to look, I’d be happy for someone to explain.

Why do we think we want “no-judgement” friends? What am I missing?

But, in the meantime, I don’t think we need more women who sit in front of us–like a coffee-drinking wall–and never responds to what we’re saying unless they echo, “Yes!”

(And “God loves you.”)

I don’t think we need MORE women who tag us in a bunch of half-baked memes from their favorite “Christian Quotes” Facebook group to let us know they’re always there…and they always will be…and we’re awesome…

I’m just…

No, thanks.  🙂