Go Back to Lying About Embryos!

Alabama’s highest Court just ruled that embryos are living humans, and now I’m upset.

The biologists have testified that life begins at conception with a tiny spark, when a brand new combination of DNA is fully formed. Everything about the person’s body is determined in that moment: gender, eye color, hair color, future height, etc.

The doctors have testified that it’s never medically necessary to kill one person in order to save another. (Very, very rarely, an early delivery may be needed in life-threatening situations–such as ectopic pregnancy. But it’s NEVER necessary to purposely kill the embryo or fetus before delivery.)

The pastors have testified that every, single human is made in the image of God and infinitely valuable, no matter what the Evolutionists may think about disabilities or poverty or other situations where a woman may need to stop her offspring’s heart.

And I’m upset.

This view that tiny embryos have human rights will make it so much harder for me to order a baby!

You see, my husband and I have struggled with infertility for years, and our only hope of acquiring biological children is to pay someone thousands of dollars to put one together in a petri dish.  But, doctors won’t just manufacture ONE… The lab techs usually whip up as many tiny humans as they can, so couples can select the fittest for survival and then freeze the rest.

There are tens of thousands of frozen embryos in freezers around the country, left over from couples who don’t want THOSE particular persons anymore. (Note: I’m using the word person, the way the Alabama Supreme Court does.) These frozen persons — or more accurately their poor, mistreated parents — are my reason for writing today.

Do lawmakers know how badly we infertile couples want to make a baby?  Do they know how many TEARS I’ve cried because I can’t create a person with a sex act, the way I’m entitled?  This journey of infertility has been hard for me–and calling an embryo a “person” will make it even harder!

The entire IVF industry depends on treating embryos as PRODUCTS.

Embryos are WISHES TO BE FULFILLED.

But when you give them titles and human rights of their own, how are the grieving women supposed to get sympathy for being denied what they want? How are women like me supposed to achieve the Motherhood we know we deserve–if we are stopped from perma-freezing a few tiny persons as collateral damage?

I believe there are some huge, unintended consequences coming from this Court decision, and now Republicans are scrambling to fix this problem…

IVF clinics have shut down their operations for the last few days, which is really upsetting the women who have been giving themselves shots in the stomach for weeks in preparation of playing God. Do you think it’s a good idea to pump a woman full of luteinizing hormone and then tell her “NO?” 

Politicians won’t know what hit them.

There’s only one solution to this whole mess: go back to calling embryos “potential humans” instead of being honest. The IVF industry is a multi-BILLION dollar one, and emotions run high among its customers. No good can come from telling those customers the truth about the unique persons who are being created in glorified Build-A-Bear fashion.

Tell women they can have what they want, for the right price, and don’t inform them of the means that lead to that end. Why make them cry more than they have already? As long as she gets the puppy in her stocking on Christmas, a girl doesn’t need to think about how many of his siblings are still (frozen) at the mill.

Have a heart, Alabama!

THINK about what happens to the IMPORTANT people, when you give human rights to the tiny ones.

Signed,

Infertile and Infuriated

How to Live Like a Christian: Glorify God

The very first statement of the Westminster Catechism says, “The [main purpose] of mankind is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” I won’t even try to come up with a better summary than that one of what it means to be a Christian.

In everything we do, Christians should be asking, “Does this glorify God?” And, when the answer is “yes,” then we are fulfilling our duties and living our purpose.

But what does that end up looking like, in the day-to-day choices we make? It’s very easy to declare we want to glorify God with our lives, but how does that translate off the paper and into the places where our hands and feet are moving?

Over the course of several decades living among Church-Goers, I have noticed we don’t like to answer these questions very specifically. We can agree that we should glorify God with every choice we make–but conversations about those choices almost immediately feel restrictive and “legalistic.”

We should glorify God with everything we do! (Amen!) So, we should glorify God with the food we eat! (Uh…there’s no such thing as Christian food.)

We should glorify God with every deed! (Amen!) So we should glorify God with our education choices. (No, wait… Christians may choose any school they want.)

We should glorify God in all things! (Amen!) So, we should be careful how we dress. (Ugh! This is ridiculous! My shirt is NOT too tight–and you sound just as silly as those Christians who think it’s a sin to wear pants!!!!)

It really doesn’t take long for Church People to forget about glorifying God and start defending their own Rights and their own Freedom and their own Autonomy instead.

As a result, the people who claim they want to glorify God with their choices end up living lives which look almost identical to those who want to glorify Themselves. If there is no such thing as a “Christian” education, then our children will go to the same schools as the Non-Christian kids. Our marriages will look exactly the same as couples who did not include God in their vows. (And our divorces will look the same as well.) We spend money on the same entertainment. We visit the same doctors–to get prescriptions for the same medications. We make the exact same types of friends and wear the same kinds of clothing and hold the same moral opinions as the people who DON’T want to glorify God.

And–most disappointing of all–we make the same arguments and excuses whenever we feel judged for our decisions. Instead of reading paragraphs like the one above and being inspired to ask, “How can I glorify you, God?” we get angry and rise up to defend our sacred choices which suddenly feel like important parts of who we are. It gets personal very quickly.

I have heard it all before because I have made the same arguments myself.

“Being a Christian doesn’t mean you’ll never get divorced!”

“Being a Christian doesn’t mean you throw away all the medicine!”

“Only a Pharisee would tell me not to eat certain things.”

“I HAVE FREEDOM IN CHRIST.”

Beloved Christian, you won’t need to hide behind those defenses when you’re here.

I am not trying to tell you that Christianity is works-based or that taking Advil is sinful or that meat is off-limits. I am not going to tell you how many inches of your breasts need to be covered or how much alcohol (in ounces) all Christians must stay below.

I am simply going to keep repeating that our Christian duty is to glorify God, and I will encourage you to ask Him what that means.

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Many Christians (Westerners especially) have been subtly convinced that God doesn’t really care about their choices. As long as the new convert says a prayer asking Jesus into his heart, he can continue living life basically the same way he always did.

We think, “The change is on the inside, but there doesn’t need to be any measurable change on the outside.”

Awhile back, I came across a quote by Shane Pruitt after it was shared by several acquaintances. “Parents, one day our kids will stand before Jesus and He probably won’t ask them about their grades, batting averages, three point percentages, yards-per-carry, popularity, hobbies, or class rank. How are we investing in their souls? That’s the one thing that will matter in eternity!”

Of course, I understand what Mr. Pruitt is trying to say (along with the many parents who resonated with this message enough to share it). They want their kids to have their priorities in order and not make idols out of grades or popularity or sports! I can wholeheartedly agree with that goal.

Obviously, every true Christian acknowledges that a human’s soul is the one thing that matters for all of eternity.

But, there is a small problem:

Most Christians haven’t really asked themselves HOW we can invest in a human soul, without using the things on that list. (Go ahead. Ask yourself: can you invest in your child’s soul without school and work and play?)

The longer I think about it, the less I believe it’s possible to disciple a Christian without depending on the lessons that come from those everyday activities. These daily choices make up the tools we will use to glorify God…or NOT.

Or think of it this way:

If the details of everyday life (like sports and school/work and hobbies) DON’T really matter to Jesus–then why are we allowing ourselves and our kids to waste so much time on activities that don’t matter in eternity?

I know this can be a jarring question. (I’m sure there are at least a few people who have never considered it from this angle before.) And, again, I understand that we feel like Pharisees when we start telling Christians to care about their actions and behavior.

But, we need to keep asking ourselves the most important question: does GOD care about our daily actions and behaviors? Let that question be our true north.

When we tell Christians not to worry about food and work and hobbies, we’re accidentally teaching them that Jesus doesn’t care about those details. We’re saying: “Those are merely physical things, friend! But Jesus isn’t concerned about the physical.”

Yikes. I am positive that’s not the message we mean to send. I truly believe it is thoughtlessness which has brought us here–not maliciousness. If we were thinking about glorifying God, we might send this message instead:

God gave us physical bodies, and he placed us in a physical Universe, and he came to earth as a physical baby, because the choices we make in this physical reality actually matter A LOT. We use physical tools to glorify God.

When we’re considering how to live as Christian disciples, we are going to be doing so in the context of the concrete (physical) reality God has given us. And, when growth happens, it comes about through the lessons learned in our bodies (interacting with other bodies) on earth. God sanctifies us through bad grades (or good ones!), He teaches us through sports injuries (or victories!), He communicates with us via discouragement and social conflicts (and restoration!)

It may sound very pious to say we don’t want to get “distracted” by earthly concerns. But it’s actually impossible to seperate ourselves from the physical earth where God put us. In trying to rise above it all, I suspect some of my Western siblings have (accidentally) embraced the idea that there’s nothing for us to do here on earth, except sing spiritual songs and ask Jesus to come soon. We tell each other that God won’t ask about our grades or our hobbies or our social status. But, what are we supposed TO DO WITH OUR LIVES, other than just bide time thinking Jesus-y thoughts until He takes us to Heaven?

Again, it is NOT my intention to make anyone’s defenses shoot up. Please resist any urges to warn me about the dangers of “works righteousness” or to lecture me about the importance of “grace alone.” (Spoilers: if you have to write an email telling me about the doctrine of “grace alone” I will simply ask whether you really believe in Grace alone, or if you believe in Grace PLUS emails meant to set me straight.) But I digress.

My point is: I only mean to encourage my brothers and sisters to think about what it means to say, “We glorify God with our lives.” Like it or not, we need to take these platitudes and apply them to our behavior somehow. Even if we choose to sit around meditating or praying for the Lost or lighting candles or making food for homeless people (or fighting with works-obsessed Pharisees, like Amanda)–those are choices. They are “works!” And our daily choices really do matter!

Over the course of my book about Christian living, I am going to pry into the details and ask the questions which may feel a bit too “religious” for some tastes. I refuse get out the kid gloves or frame things the way Christians may be used to hearing them…if it means suggesting that 99% of their daily activities are “gray” or “neutral” or don’t really matter in eternity.

The truth is, our choices do matter, because we are meant to glorify God with every decision we make!

Yes, it’s often challenging to figure out the Christian way to get dressed in the morning or the Christian way to mow my lawn. But, the fact that it’s challenging doesn’t mean we should avoid talking about how to do those things in a “Christian” way. It certainly doesn’t mean I should give up and live as carelessly as the Pagans do.

As we continue to discuss “how to live like a Christian” let us keep coming back to this place where we already agree: we must glorify God with every word and deed.

How to Live Like a Christian: Be a Saint, Not Sinner

Perhaps you’ve heard it said that we are all “Sinners,” and Christians are no better than their unsaved neighbors. Let me start by explaining what my fellow Church People think they are saying to the world when they refer to themselves as “sinners.”

#1. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (I can’t argue with that!)

#2. Even after we submit to Christ as our Savior, Christians will struggle with temptations and fall short of perfection. Being a Christian doesn’t mean you stop sinning.

I’m not arguing against that, either.

It is absolutely true that Christians still struggle with “the flesh” their whole lives. (As Paul lamented: “I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing… it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”)

So, I agree with what the Church People are trying to say.  

But I would humbly insist that we are not using the word “Sinner” correctly.

First of all, notice that Paul said it is NOT “him” who does the sinning when it happens, but “the sin living in me” takes the blame. Why does he take up so much space in his letters, carefully parsing the difference between a “Sinner” and a “Saint who wrestles with his sin nature?”

Importantly, whenever Christians are mentioned as a group in the Bible, they are never referred to as “sinners.” They are NOT identified by their struggle with sin, but by their new identities as Members of God’s Family. Consider that Paul’s letters are not written to the “sinners in Ephesus” or the “sinners in Corinth,” but are addressed clearly “to the Saints.” It’s no mystery why he does it this way. The early Church recognized that they could not be known as Thieves and Liars and Swindlers anymore (though “that is what some of you WERE.”)

The old man has gone, and the new man has come.

This wouldn’t even be controversial except that it makes some Christians feel guilty to call themselves “saints.” (Even though it’s not we who call ourselves that, but God who gives us that label.)

Many congregations have built an entire false gospel around the idea that Saints within the church are “no better” than Sinners who remain in active rebellion against God. These Church People don’t want to sound like they’re “bragging” about being “better than” God’s enemies.

But, despite how it may sound to those who don’t have ears to hear–it’s really important for Saints not to call themselves “Sinners” and constantly blur the lines between Redeemed and Rebellious. It’s important to understand Saints are not in the same boat as the Sinners who are still drowning.

Yes, Saints continue to wrestle with sinful temptations their wholes lives. (And, to anyone who has forgotten what I said at the top–I am repeating that Christians need to keep repenting of sin their whole lives!) Unfortunately, the Sinners are hearing Christians say “We’re no better than you,” and so they think there’s no reason to come to Christ.

Why become a Christian if Christians aren’t better?

If this sounds like “boasting,” then allow me to boast in Christ.

It is because of Him that I once was lost and now I’m FOUND. (Being found is better than being lost.) Because of Christ, I once was blind and now I see. (Having vision is better than blindness.) Saints are not the same creatures they used to be–all thanks to God!

Again, some Americans struggle to agree out of fear the truth sounds “arrogant” to those still trapped in their sin. But I don’t care–I will brag about what Christ has done. I’m no longer a slave to sin. And being a slave to Christ is BETTER than being a slave to sin.

Calling God’s children by the label–“sinner”–is wrong. It would be the same kind of reasoning as saying “well, we ALL struggle with doubt, so we can just call everyone Unbelievers.” (I hope I don’t need to unpack why that would be an unwise label.)

Or someone might argue: “we ALL fail to meet Christ’s standard–so we’re all Non-Christians.” (No, that’s not what the word “Non-Christian” means.)

Even though we struggle with unbelief, we are not “Unbelievers.” And though we struggle with sin, it does not convert our identity back to “Sinner.” We are no longer a slave to sin, and this is the Good News we are supposed to be preaching!

So–my beloved fellow Church People–let’s please stop telling The Sinners that we’re no better than they are. Our whole mission is to share the message that the Kingdom is better than the World. Christ’s Bride is lovelier than Babylon’s wh0re. Being a sheep is better than being a goat… Being a slave to Christ is infinitely better than being a slave to sin. 

We cannot confuse the two categories: Saints are set apart by their habit of clinging to JESUS, while Sinners are people who choose to cling to their sins. There could not be a bigger chasm between those two groups, and living like a Christian requires understanding that difference.

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I’m working on several posts, which will eventually be compiled into a book for my children/grandchildren about Christian living. I’ll put them in a more logical order later. But for now, I’m just writing “How to Live Like a Christian” entries as they occur to me…

Why Don’t You Ask More Questions?

Have you ever tried to write an entire blog post without making any statements?

Did you know an entire method of TEACHING was developed by Socrates, in which the INSTRUCTOR spends the whole lesson asking questions? (Have you heard of the Socratic Method?)

Would anyone believe that I’m not making any judgments here, simply because I’m not using periods? Is anyone having trouble figuring out my personal opinion behind all these question marks? Can I pretend I’m a neutral party who hasn’t done any preaching, teaching, or ASSUMING in this post?

More importantly, do I seem less harsh and intimidating than usual? 

Do I seem uncertain and, therefore, humble?…

Do you think unwise people would feel safer sharing bad ideas with me, if they knew I’d ask a question instead of telling them why their idea is bad?

Will the Sinners love to gather at my table now?

Or have I made my point?

—–

Christians: can we please start BOLDLY agreeing with God and saying what is true, instead of hiding our statements behind a veil of uncertainty?

Can we stop spreading doubt and pretending that’s called “winsome?” Can we stop confusing humility with weakness?

Is there a way for Westerners to wake up and realize we are willing to fight much harder (louder and longer) for the social Customs of Man than for the Laws of God???

Can we (please?) test the spirits and speak with conviction and judge with righteousness, the way Jesus told us to do?

Or is that too much to ask?

A Mother’s Job

When I taught in a daycare/preschool setting (before I had kids of my own), a certain mother made a permanent impression on me for the wrong reason…

One weekend, our childcare center was closed for an extra day (3 days total), and this mother rushed into my room as soon as I unlocked it the very first day back, exclaiming, “Wow, that was awful! I couldn’t wait for you to open again!”

I asked whether her little boy had been misbehaving, but she told me that wasn’t the problem. “I just didn’t know what to DO with him,” she explained. “I don’t know how teachers handle the boredom all day, every day.”

I honestly didn’t know what to say.

That situation was the most extreme example. But it wasn’t the only time I noticed some moms spent most of their time shuttling their children from one holding cell to another.

Oh, I know that’s a horrible way to think about it, and I know I’m not supposed to say it out loud. But, the fact is, some mothers don’t seem quite sure what to DO with their kids, except stick them in various machines until the timer goes off. I think it starts when the baby is brand new.

At first, our job involves a lot of waiting for the baby to cry so we can respond: “Here, have this milk.” “No? Okay, try the bouncer.” “Ugh, maybe he wants to lay on the floor?”

“Yes! That worked! Okay, now we can rest until it’s time to leave her in the baby swing or the car seat or the bassinet or the high chair…”

We start to get the idea that Motherhood is all about TRANSPORTING the small human from activity to activity.

And this approach sometimes continues into preschool…and elementary school… And beyond…

We know our kids need some mental stimulation, so we TAKE them to school and leave them for awhile. And they need to eat, so we TAKE them through the drive through on the way to sports practice. And then we TAKE them to a friend’s house for some socializing before we TAKE them home and PUT them to bed.

If we think our whole job is to pick up and drop off, then we might be kind of bored during that 3-day weekend when everything is closed. And, if we have multiple children to drive around, we’re basically pulling our hair out running from baby swing to bathtub, trying to keep everyone happy.

When we think of ourselves as activity managers, we end up treating our kids like Barbie dolls who need to be posed and moved in order to have any “life” at all. Some girls have one Barbie who gets a lot of outfit changes! While others have several Barbies who are falling through the cracks in the toy box because she only has two hands.

But either way, the girl’s entire job is to MOVE those dolls!

And, if you feel like a bit of a failure because your little doll hasn’t tried gymnastics yet, I have some news that I hope brings some freedom:

What children need most is a mother and NOT an unpaid chauffeur…

(For those who are confused, yes, those two jobs are different.)

I’ve been a mother for over 13 years. Baby Number 5 is on the way. And every year I get a little more clear and confident about what Motherhood means–and what it DOESN’T mean.

Allow me to share some of that confidence and security with you…

Being a mother means I am responsible for the well-being of all my children. I need to give them opportunities to experience different things life has to offer. So, yes, being a mother DOES require me to give them a well-rounded education.

However, motherhood does NOT mean that I have to say ‘yes’ to every extracurricular opportunity that presents itself.

I DON’T have to make sure each of my five children receives formal music lessons, sports teams, theater groups, AND community service projects (plus homework and chores).

If I had to TAKE all of my kids to different places for all of those activities, then it really would be impossible.

But, thankfully, what our children need more than busyness and stimulation is a whole lot more of US…at home.

Being a mother involves being with my kids (just BEING), so much more than taking them to “be with” a coach or therapist or tutor.

When I realize that, I can put down the carkeys and just DO some of those activities I keep trying to outsource.

Look, I know we think we’re not as qualified to sing with our children as the person we’re paying for lessons. But don’t we realize how much more precious that TIME is?…so much more precious than perfect pitch!

I know we want to give our kids “the best” coach, and we think a Good Mom searches for teams with the most impressive win-loss record (and she’s willing to open that wallet and pay whatever is necessary!) But is it really worth all the missed dinners at home and the chance to play catch with a team of siblings in the backyard?

Really?

I know we want to give our kids “the best” teachers…

… but God gave them US.

In all of this time raising children, I’ve come to realize they need their parents SO MUCH MORE than they need their own personal assistants.

They need moms who say “no” more often.

Say “no” to the busyness. Say “no” to the Guilt about never being able to “do it all.”

And then say “yes” to STAYING and being together.

Say “yes” to learning how to get along without constant stimulation… Learning how to invent some fun… Learning how to give time to the people we love–instead of spending it all on paid professionals and glorified holding cells.

My job is to BE their mother–not to shuttle them from one surrogate to another, letting someone else sing and swim and read and play ball with them.

Maybe you find yourself in the same boat as that mother I mentioned and you “don’t know what to do with them” when you can’t take them somewhere. Maybe you genuinely don’t know “how those teachers handle it” all day, every day when they have to be with the kids. So… maybe it’s time to find out. 😊

A mother cannot physically drive to four different “basinets” all at once. But we can focus on creating a welcoming home, where we can BE with the people we love.

Letter from an Indiana MLK Service

This afternoon, I had the privilege of attending an ecumencial service, honoring Martin Luther King and hosted by a local missionary baptist church. One of my daughters (along with her classmates from the Christian school) recited exerpts from MLK’s “Letter from a Burmingham Jail” from memory.

I’m truly grateful for the opportunity to show my daughter–first hand–that not everyone who uses the name of Christ is actually speaking His words.

(I’m also thankful for the technology that allows me to download the video recorded during the livestream, in order to repeat (word-for-word) what a self-proclaimed Man of God said from the pulpit mere hours ago…)

While confined in a Kokomo Indiana church service, I came across several statements about the need for “justice” and “brotherly cooperation,” which would have been wise and timely if they weren’t applied so badly.  If I sought to address all the criticisms of America and the Church which were made by those religious leaders, I would have little time for anything else. (No time for constructive work.) But since I feel the community activists are of genuine good will and their passion is sincere, I want to try to answer their dogmatism with what I hope will be patient and reasonable terms.

Letter from an Indiana MLK Service, Amanda R. McKinney

Here’s what I discussed with my 12-year-old daughter on the way home.

#1. We can learn a lot about “rhetoric” (the art of engaging an audience) from our brothers and sisters in black churches.

Our hosts were wonderful speakers, no doubt. The congregation was very responsive to polished expression and dictation, so I am glad our kids were able to practice their dynamic delivery skills. Do you want the Church to nod and clap? Be bold and confident! Make them listen to every word! If you have something worth saying, then say it well–like the Black preachers do.

#2. The MLK quotes she is memorizing for school are excellent truths worth taking to heart.

There were great pearls of wisdom buried in the clammy goop of that MLK-worship session. Things like, “Constructive, non-violent tension is necessary for growth” and “The time is always right to do right!” These are sayings a young Christian can safely embrace. I don’t want my daughter to think she must reject everything she hears from a person who idolizes Martin Luther King, when in fact there are many places she can agree.

#3. Pay attention when you notice someone sneakily adding to the words of Scripture.

The keynote pastor read the parable of Jesus (in Luke) where a rich man dies and goes to Hell. The man begs Abraham to let him go back to earth for just a little while, to warn his brothers about the dangers of ignoring God. Abraham basically tells him, “They don’t need you to warn them because they already have Scripture.” And the rich man argues: “No, but if I can share my personal testimony, they will listen.” 

Abraham says: “If [your family] won’t listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not listen when someone comes back from the dead.”

At this point in the Scripture reading, the pastor quoted the story this way:

“If they will not listen to Moses…and if they did not listen to Malcolm [X]… if they did not listen to Rosa [Parks]… If they did not listen to Frederick or to Trayvon [Martin] or to Breonna [Taylor]… or to [the Pastor of the host church]… if they did not listen to Martin and all of the other prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead. This is the Word of God for we who are the people of God. Someone say, ‘Thanks Be to God!'”

Rev. Dr. Winterbourne LaPucelle Harrison-Jones, not to be confused with the Gospel of Luke

Of course, my 7th grader mostly tuned out the actual sermon when we were sitting in the chapel. But when I told her later that the main speaker had added to the Bible to make his point sound stronger, she was able to spot it when we watched the playback. We listened while the Reverend paid homage to a bunch of celebrities–some of whom were legitimate brothers in Christ and some of whom were Pagans. And then he boldly declared, “This is the Word of God.” 

My daughter responded to the TV screen: “Um, no that’s not the Word of God.”

#4. Even when a person is speaking loudly, it does not mean they are speaking Truth.

We were treated to plenty of energized pontificating and podium slapping and amen-ing today. But there was very little careful truth-telling. Even when Jesus was mentioned (which was very, very rarely), He was never presented as the God of the Universe whose mission is to make every knee bow to HIM. Instead, God was portrayed as a helpful sidekick who served MLK.

Even when a person is speaking with authority, we must listen and think about whether their message is true.

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I can’t stess enough–I am truly grateful for the chance to attend this service and discuss these issues with my daughter. I am grateful for this practical experience to help illustrate WHY her parents want her to have a strong foundation in God’s Word.

We memorize Scripture so that when someone in a robe says, “We should be perpetually full of RAGE” she will know that it contradicts what the Bible says in James: “The anger of man does not lead to the righteousness of God.”

We study both God’s Laws and Man’s Laws, so my daughter can figure out what’s happening when a person in power says the LGBT community is being “persecuted” and Christians must “stand in unity” with them.

We study both logic AND rhetoric, so we can visit any church or theater or concert in the world and appreciate the production without becoming the victims of emotional manipulation. My sincere thanks to the human hosts and to my God in Heaven for arranging this opportunity to practice discernment.

Finally, if I have said anything in this letter that overstates the truth and indicates an unreasonable impatience, I beg you to forgive me. If I have said anything that understates the truth and indicates my having a patience that allows me to settle for anything less than submission to the authority of God, I beg God to forgive me.

Letter from an Indiana MLK Service. Amanda R. McKinney, 2024

How To Live Like A Christian: Know Who’s Who

Here’s a disturbing trend I’ve noticed in my local church. (I don’t want to speak for all church bodies, everywhere — but this mistake definitely gets made among the Christians who live near me…)

We’re actively teaching our youth that being Christlike means fighting against “religious people”…yet being deeply devoted to the World.

Yes, we teach young Christians to argue with Christian authority. PLUS, we also encourage them to build emotional “connections” with Unbelievers. It’s true!

Maybe some of you can’t understand why I would say a thing like this, and you think I’m making up problems that don’t exist. But maybe there are others who have already begun to form some arguments about why it’s a good idea to fight Pharisees and love Sinners…which is helpfully proving my point.

Some of you are thinking, “Well YEAH, God so loved THE WORLD…that He gave his only Son! So–yeah, we should love the World!”

And, others want to add: “Yeah! Jesus upset the Pharisees, and those were religious people! So we should challenge Religious leaders or anyone who is overly religious!”

For the record, I can make a case for how both of these statements could be true. (Sort of.) I understand why “fight the people within the Church while befriending the sinner” kind of makes sense to a lot of Americans. After all, we’ve heard dozens and dozens of sermons about the pitfall of hypocrisy or the sin of Legalism, AND we’ve been taught that Love is the most important thing in the whole Universe. (Those are good things to preach about.) (Mostly.)

But I have some bad news for those who think all of this is pretty clear: when it comes to identifying Who’s Who in the great Spiritual War between Light and Darkness, we Christians are really struggling with discernment. 

Many of my brothers and sisters spend a lot of time trying to make peace with their non-Christian neighbors, while saving their sharpest criticisms for the Elders. (“Because that’s what Jesus did!”) They go out of their way to write complimentary statements and find “common ground” with agreeable Atheists online, yet they are quick to shoot down the Churchy Guy who isn’t “nice” enough.

What these brothers and sisters need to understand is: the epic war described in Scripture is NOT a conflict between Mean Christians and Nice Atheists. That is NOT where the Bible draws the battle lines.

The two armies are made up of those who are still slaves to their own sin and those who are slaves to Christ.

While many Christians are happy make peace with Sinners and argue with Saints, here are the two “sides” described by God himself in the Scripture:

Some of us are sheep, and others are goats.

Some of us are part of The Vine, and others are cut off (or never were part of it).

Some of us belong to the Body of Christ, and others are NOT His members.

Some of us are The Bride being dressed in white–and others are still Prostitutes. (Yikes!)

Are you starting to see why we don’t like to identify the Two Sides very clearly? Some of those distinctions seem pretty harsh, right? We would much rather wag our fingers at those arrogant Religious People and preach at them about the sin of Legalism than go preach the Gospel to a swine who loves the mud. (Yes–another flattering bit of biblical imagery for you.) Finding common ground is so much more comfortable than dealing with the fact that God’s Word refers to those outside the Family as “unfaithful” and “rebellious” and “fornicators.” 

But consider the consequences of teaching young people to make friends with Sinners while working against those mean “Pharisees.” Is it any wonder so many are renouncing the faith altogether, when they get to college and meet a whole community of Nice Atheists who are willing to help them complain about the flaws of the Hateful Church? 

It seems pretty obvious why so many former pew-sitters eventually decide they have more in common with children of Satan than they have with “hypocritical” Children of God. They were taught (at church) that it is Christlike to resist the Christian religion, while also building deep emotional connections with godlessness.

I will explain the problem with “Missionary Dating” and “Missionary Friendship” in another post. But for now, let’s try to agree that we need to know who’s who in the spritual war, before we can learn to live as faithful Christians. If we are going to do our jobs effectively, we need to know who our fellow Christians are–as well as who the Enemy is. We need to know who’s already IN the Kingdom, before we can help grow it.

At the end of the day, it really is so much easier to criticize Church People than Atheists, because the Church People are more willing to take it. Christians have accepted the message that we need to practice humility, and we are learning to confess our flaws. When a college kid rebukes a Christian Leader for Legalism, the leader will usually agree that Legalism would be a very bad thing! (Pastor might even apologize for potentially crossing that line–and agree that he is still a Sinner!) In short, if you need to get away with wagging your finger at someone, I highly recommend starting with a Church Leader. Odds are good that he will let you. 

But the godless Pagans do not handle criticism as well. Who wants to hear that they need a Savior because they don’t deserve to get to Heaven without Him? 

The Good News is that Christ died for BAD GUYS. But, the News that brings life and joy to a Christian also smells like DEATH to those Bad Guys who are still perishing. (That’s the Bible version of: “The same water that softens a potato hardens an egg.”) 

Too many Christian congregations continue to disciple their youth to “reach out” and “build bridges” with their unbelieving neighbors–those hardened eggs–and continue to keep the heat on the already-softened potatoes. My friends, there is no wisdom in this practice. If that describes you or your church congregation, ask God for help in correcting that course!

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This topic is challenging because it could be a whole book in itself, with all the confusion and reasonable objections my critics might raise. I completely understand why some leaders preach about “not being a Pharisee” every five minutes. I understand why “love your enemies” gets printed on mugs and pillowcases. (The reason is because Jesus said those words–and they are hugely important!)

But we really need to take an honest look at the ways our good intentions are paving the way to Hell.

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I’m working on several posts, which will eventually be compiled into a book for my children/grandchildren about Christian living. I’ll put them in a more logical order later. But for now, I’m just writing “How to Live Like a Christian” entries as they occur to me…

Billy, the Car Guy

Once there was a boy named Billy, who really, really wanted to be known as a “Car Guy.” His life’s goal was to have the most impressive toy car collection on the block. Billy was really, really good at dreaming about his car collection. He was really, really good at talking about having a car collection. But, the trouble was, sometimes one or two of his cars would lose a wheel!

“That’s okay,” Billy thought. “We can fix this.”

And then he would shout, “MOM!”

For years, Mom or Dad would patiently reassemble Billy’s toy vehicles, whenever he informed them about an issue. But, eventually, they decided that a kid who wanted to be a “Car Guy” would need to learn how to do some repairs himself… And it wasn’t long before another truck lost its wheels.

Billy spent about 5 seconds trying to jam a wheel through the windshield before he shouted, “MOM!!!” She listened patiently while he shared his needs: “I’ve gotta get some help with this truck, because it just isn’t working for me!”

“Billy, wheels don’t go on windows,” Mom said with a smile, happy to be of assistance. “You need to attach the wheels to the drive shaft. And I can even give you a screwdriver, if you’d like to borrow it!”

Billy thanked his mother for her help.

But, as she walked back into the house, the thought occurred to him that his truck was still broken. And, a few minutes later, with a screwdriver in his hand, Billy sat pondering why this particular Crisis wasn’t getting handled as efficiently as those in the past had been. It seemed as though the trucks in his collection were more high-maintenance than the cars…

Billy spent a little time whacking the wheels with the screwdriver before the truck’s bumper fell off. And that’s when he decided he needed to add another member to his Vehicle Maintenance Team. He scooped up the broken truck pieces and walked to his friend, Danny’s, house.

“Our truck is broken, Danny. I’m not a mechanic. Can you help me put the wheels back on?” Billy asked politely.

Danny thought about the fact that Billy had always been friendly. And Danny really did want Billy to succeed! So Danny took a look at the pile of truck pieces and said, “Well, I’m not a mechanic, either. But I do know that’s not how you use a screwdriver. You need to twist it.”

Billy thought Danny sounded pretty smart and capable, so he handed the screwdriver over: “Can you do it?”

Danny replied, “I saw my older brother’s friend do it once. He says the front wheels and back wheels are actually different sizes, even though they look the same. So you have to be careful to make sure they’re in the right position, or they’ll never–“

“I’m not a mechanic, Danny,” Billy interrupted. “Can you put the wheels on?”

Danny blinked a few times, and then shrugged and suggested, “You could ask my brother?”

So… Billy went inside the house to talk with Big Stan…

Big Stan didn’t have a lot of time for neighbor kids. So he just got right to the point:

“Listen, Squirt. I don’t know anything about cars. So, whenever I need help, I just pay my Professional Car Guy.” Billy’s eyes lit up just hearing those words. A real, professional Car Guy! Just like himself!

Big Stan continued: “My Car Guy has been obsessed with cars since he was a kid…always taking stuff apart and putting it back together again. He knows absolutely everything. Maybe he’ll teach you a thing or two?”

Billy was thrilled at the thought of working with a real, professional Car Guy. So he ran to the address that Big Stan gave him.

“Oh, yeah, I can fix toy cars,” the Car Guy said. ”What make and model is your truck?”

Billy answered: “I don’t know what that means.”

“Oooookay,” the Car Guy said slowly. “Well, what kind of engine does it have?”

Billy replied: “I’m not sure about that either. But I can ask my mom!” The Car Guy ignored this.

“I can teach you how to find the model number on the underside,” the Car Guy told Billy. “That will make it easier to find extra parts on the internet, if you ever need to order replacements.” 

But all of that sounded like gibberish to Billy, who was struggling to pay close attention. He was simply too excited about having his car fixed to listen closely to the actual words the Car Guy was saying.

Billy asked the only question he really wanted answered, “Are you saying you are able to fix my car?”

The Car Guy replied, “Your car can be fixed easily, if you have the right parts–“

“–Oh, that is SUCH good news!” Billy interrupted. “I will make sure I get you the right parts. Don’t worry! I will talk to my team and get back to you ASAP. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!”

And, with that, Billy rushed out the door.

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The next day, Billy called together his Mom, Dad, Danny, and Big Stan, to give them an update on their broken truck.

“Hello, everyone. As you know, we’ve been having a lot of trouble getting the wheels back on this truck. But I’m excited to announce we’re adding another member to the Vehicle Maintenance Team. He’s a professional Car Guy! And he seems very confident that he can fix the problem if we just get him the right parts. So–Mom and Dad–please touch base with The Car Guy to let him know where you bought the truck. And, Danny, The Car Guy asked me some questions about the number of models who can ride in it…or something… Please answer any questions he may have.”

Danny tried to ask a clarifying question here, but Billy continued:

“Big Stan is already friends with the Car Guy. So he can reach out directly and ask him which parts to get off the internet. I’m not really an expert in that area, but I feel like we’re going to be able to fix this problem now that everyone is working together! Thanks, Team!”

“Dude, are you kidding?” Danny asked, when Billy was done with his motivational speech. “Exactly what is your role in all of this?”

Surprised and hurt, Billy answered truthfully, “Um, I ran around the neighborhood all day yesterday, trying to solve this problem! And I’m the one who TALKED TO the Car Guy!”

“Okay,” Big Stan chimed in. “But you’re also the one who wants to be a Car Guy someday, and you’re not willing to learn how it’s done.”

This was even more surprising and hurtful to Billy–since he was only a few hours away from having a fixed truck. He would already BE a Car Guy by this point, if he could get some decent support! No one seemed as motivated as he was to get this project finished.

But Billy wanted to be a good Leader, so he used his active listening skills:

“I hear you saying this has been a frustrating situation,” he said kindly. ”I totally relate! It has been rough for all of us! But I really think the Car Guy can help us turn it around. Can I get a commitment from each of you to give the car guy anything he may need?”

Mom, Dad, Danny, and Big Stan turned around without saying anything and went back to what they had been doing before Billy interrupted…

Eventually, Billy’s parents got tired of hearing about the broken truck and just bought him a new one. Every year on his birthday, they added another car or truck to his collection as a way to support his dream of being a Car Guy.

Danny and Stan stopped answering his calls.

But Billy’s professional relationship with the Car Guy continued for many years, as Billy regularly paid the Car Guy to do all of his repairs, exactly like everyone else in the neighborhood did.

The Car Guy simpy ignored Billy’s annoying habit of saying “we” and “us” every time the Car Guy did everything himself.

And that’s how Billy (“The Other Car Guy”) learned a very important lesson for businessmen. If you want something done right, you have to find someone with the skill to do it for you–who’s also willing to let you take all the credit.

That business model worked for “Billy the Car Guy,” for decades.

The End.

Jesus Doesn’t Care About Your Choices

Parents, I know what you’re trying to teach your kids. You want them to have their priorities in order and not worry too much about grades or popularity or sports. I know that’s why you share quotes like this one:

Obviously, every Christian parent agrees that our child’s soul is the one thing that matters for all of eternity.

But, let me ask you a question:

Do you have any idea HOW to invest in your child’s soul, without using the things on this list? (Can you invest in your child’s soul without school and work and play?)

I’ll answer for myself. I don’t think it’s possible to feed my child’s soul without depending on lessons that come from everyday activities.

Let me ask another question:

If school and sports and hobbies DON’T really matter to Jesus in the long run–then why are we allowing our kids to waste so much time on activities that ultimately aren’t important?

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Look, I understand that we’re trying to help kids focus on Jesus rather than get distracted by the cares of the world, right? We want our kids to be able to sing that old (repetitive) hymn:

In the morning when I rise,
give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus, give me Jesus.
You may have all this world, just give me Jesus.

I think the intentions are pure, and I don’t want parents to feel like I’m scolding them for wanting their child to love Jesus.

I just want us to be honest that we have NO CLUE how to “give them Jesus,” without using the experiences of this world.

When we tell our kids that grades and sports performance and hobbies don’t matter, we’re accidentally teaching them that Jesus doesn’t care about those details. We’re saying: “Those are just physical things, my child. But Jesus isn’t concerned about the physical.”

I think we should be careful to make this clear instead:

God gave us physical bodies, and he placed us in a physical Universe, and he came to earth as a physical baby, because the choices we make in this physical reality actually matter A LOT.

When we’re teaching our children how to be Christian disciples, we do it through lessons learned via bad grades, sports injuries, lost competitions, and social conflicts. It may sound very pious to say we don’t get “distracted” by those earthly concerns. But it’s actually impossible to seperate ourselves from the physical earth where God put us.

I strongly suspect we are (accidentally) teaching Christian kids that there’s nothing for them to do here on earth, except sing spiritual songs about needing more Jesus. We tell them Jesus won’t ask about their grades or their hobbies or their social status. So, what are they supposed to do with their lives, other than just bide time thinking Jesus-y thoughts until He takes them to Heaven?

Again, it is NOT my intention to suggest that Shane Pruitt (or anyone who shares his quote) is an Enemy of Christ. I feel a deep connection with other parents who have a sincere desire to raise their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Praise God for that goal!

I only mean to encourage my brothers and sisters to think about the unintended consequences of speaking in vague platitudes, without concrete application. I’m afraid we owe our young people an apology for suggesting 99% of their daily activities don’t really matter in eternity.

While talking vaguely about “giving them Jesus,” we have failed to give Christian teens important, meaningful WORK to do.

——–

Here’s how I talk about this with my kids.

Does Jesus want to know why you only brought home D’s when you’re capable of earning B’s and C’s? Um—YES! Jesus cares when you’re not giving your best effort. It matters.

Is Jesus going to ask whether my earthly “hobbies” were chosen to glorify God or to glorify myself? YES! Jesus cares when I’m self-serving and greedy with my time.

When my child is struggling with grades, he is also struggling spiritually. When my child isn’t getting along with peers, there are lessons to explore. When my child hates baseball practice and wants to quit mid-season, yes–Jesus has something to say about that. Jesus cares about all of those things, because earthly life MATTERS in spiritual ways.

(And, by the way, when we’re idolizing our grades or putting sports in a place they don’t belong, Jesus will ask us about that, too!)

Parents, it is our job to teach our kids to think in a Christian way about every, single, tiny aspect of their lives. Every thought is to be taken captive. Every breath belongs to Him. Someday, when we stand before the Father, He is going to ask how we spent our time on earth. What did we do with the talents we were given? How did we invest the hands and the mind He loaned to us? Either we completed homework for God’s glory, or we did it for ourselves. Either we played games as an act of worship to God, or we did it to gratify ourselves. Either we ate and drank and slept in Thanksgiving, or we ate and drank and slept in gluttony and laziness.

Teach your kids that Jesus is going to ask which path we chose–because, as we all can agree, their soul matters in eternity.

When “Cults” are Healthier than “Churches”

Here’s an unpopular opinion: the well-known and well-hated “cults” are actually doing a better job discipling their kids than the average Evangelical household.

If you let me fill in the context, I’ll tell you why I’d rather raise my kids in a “Christian Cult” than in a “normal” community where most families are equally unhealthy, lukewarm, and dysfunctional…

With the release of the documentary “Shiny, Happy People,” the Duggar family is back in the cultural conversation (again). And, for the first time, I sat down and listened to an adult Duggar Daughter speak about the evolution of her faith. Jinger Duggar Vuolo did an interview with Cultish on the Apologia channel, which you can find here. And she also spoke with Alisa Childers and Melissa Doughtery, here.

If you pay attention to the Twitter buzz about it, this documentary (which Jinger did not endorse) and her new book about discerning lies are both bombshell revelations, exposing undeniable Duggar sins. Now that the Duggar children are speaking for themselves, they are providing damning evidence of what everyone has suspected all along: Christian fundamentalist teaching is inherently abusive.

So I prepared myself for the obligatory testimony of Abuse and Deconstruction and Falling in Love With Progressive Jesus, which I’ve seen from my peers over and over and over again.

But that is not what I saw and heard from Jinger in these two interviews.

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About eight years ago, I wrote a piece of satire called “Breaking the Chains of a Fundamentalist Cult.”

Bloggers were beginning to realize they could get a lot of attention by sharing their testimony of “deconstructing” their childhood faith. So, I decided to jump on the band wagon with my tell-all piece, exposing my Conservative family…

“My Mom and Dad always said we kids were lucky to have the same parents, and we should be glad we never experienced divorce like so many of our friends. Every boring trip to a bank or grocery store was turned into a ‘lesson’ by our homeschooling mother. Our demands for explanations often were met with ‘because I’m in charge!’ …and many times we were paddled for stepping out of line.

We just thought it was normal.”

–Amanda McKinney, Breaking the Chains of a Fundamentalist Cult

The big surprise toward the end was: I still agree with my parents on pretty much all theological points. There is no long-lasting “trauma” from being raised by authoritative parents, and I will not be throwing Mom and Dad under a bus for internet clicks.

Instead, the “fundamentalist cult” I criticized in my post was the Progressive Humanist Community, which religiously tears apart other people’s religion, while pretending to be neutral.

I thought I was pretty clever for setting up that bait-and-switch! “Haha, everyone is going to think I’m dishing the juicy gossip about Christian Fundamentalism, but my family is still functioning better than most of their families!….lol lol lol”

But, fast-forward to 2023: it seems the Duggars have (accidentally?) done the same thing I did: they let the world think they were going to expose their parents by veering radically away from their upbringing–but they still agree with 90% of what they were taught.

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If you listen to those interviews from the perspective of our Secular Humanist culture, you will learn something shocking.

Jinger and her husband, Jeremy, are still Fundamentalist Christians.

In fact, the way they talk about the Word of God and their love for Jesus…it should cause the Critics to realize the Duggar Daughters haven’t really evolved much at all. As far as I can tell, Jinger and her husband still meet all of the World’s requirements for being labeled “cult-like.”

Now, I should add: the World has no idea what a “cult” actually is, so I don’t mean this as a serious criticism of Jinger.

I’m just pointing out, Jinger and Jeremy still sound and act and believe everything a so-called “Jesus Freak” believes. They respect the authority of Scripture. They believe in raising children who love the Lord. Jinger even uses what she learned as a homeschool student to evaluate and disagree with Bill Gothard–whose teaching strongly influenced her parents. She now speaks eloquently about the fear-based theology that made it difficult at first for her to understand the love of Christ.

When Jinger questioned certain Gothard teachings and compared them with Scripture, she ended up letting go of Gothard’s words and falling more in love with God’s.

How was Jinger able to recognize and reject lies when they threatened to smother her? Well, it’s at least partially thanks to the education and upbringing she was given by a community of people who told her Jesus is the WAY and the TRUTH. After that, it was a matter of figuring out which leaders and teachers were agreeing with the truth more often.

Gothard didn’t always cut the mustard. (And neither did Jinger’s parents.) But it was both Gothard and the Duggar parents who taught Jinger to value Truth and good-faith disagreement in the first place.

It seems Jinger wants to apply careful wisdom and discernment, in every part of her life, Including her interactions with each member of her family.

That’s exactly what I want for my children.

If a “cult” can give kids the ability to see everything through the lens of Truth or Lies, and to ask good questions about how to glorify God, and to evaluate choices ranging from whether to have sex before marriage to whether rock music is satanic…well then sign me up.

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Whose kids are looking at their parents’ choices, with a fair and consistent standard to judge them? (Um, apparently the Duggars)

And whose kids are going off to college and coming back claiming everything that happened at church when they were kids was “abuse?” (Um, way too many of the “normal” families.)

Let me spell it out more clearly.

It’s NORMAL for Evangelical teens to spend highschool actively participating in youth group and then “Deconstructing” their faith in college. It’s normal for them to become pro-gay, pro-abortion, pro-government Fundamentalists, who will not tolerate any reasonable questions about their new beliefs, because questions trigger their PTSD.

But the Duggars still love Jesus. (The real Jesus. The biblical one.)

I think this news should be encouraging to those who have been told “Christianity is a Cult” for decades.

Unfortunately, it will probably sting for a moment, to admit we’ve been misjudging the people who are actually raising faithful kids. In our pride, we wanted to believe we were better than those Weirdos. We thought we could raise Christians without being quite as “extreme” as the Fundies who relentlessly wrote God’s Word on their doorposts. We wanted to be Christians who don’t think about music choice and Christians who don’t think about birth control and Christians who don’t emphasize education and Christians who don’t make a big deal about skimpy clothing.

But the fruit is now available to examine.

It’s time to give credit where it’s due, if the Weirdos have actually done a better job making disciples than the average Evangelical church congregation.

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When someone accuses you of participating in a cult, the proper response should be, “I prefer a Truth-Seeking Cult rather than your self-worshiping one.”

And once you’re comfortable with the idea that it’s our job to seek truth, then ask God to help you raise children who can agree with radical–but true–statements like that.